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Growing Up Golf Part 9: The Aggravation Factor

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For you parents with little golfers ages 3 to 5 and maybe even beyond those ages, we need to talk about parent aggravation and frustration. There is going to come a time when your little golfer is going to give less than the effort he or she should. It’s not a matter of if, it’s going to be a matter of when. Every single one of us will encounter this at some point and time. My time came last week during my daughter’s golf class.

Our daughter is enrolled into a kids golf clinic called “Little Tigers” which is held on Saturdays. It’s a golf clinic designed for kids ages 3-5, and the curriculum is very basic. There are no complicated instructions — it’s basically designed to have kids involved in golf and to be around other kids their age. The class is 45 minutes long and is usually broken into two halves. The first half of the class is geared around hitting irons and drivers. The second half is focused on putting.

Friday night we had snow fall, with about 3 inches of accumulation in Indiana. When she woke up and saw the snow she did what all kids do when they see the fluffy white stuff everywhere: She jumped up and down and asked if she could go out and play in it. My wife said to our daughter that we can play in the snow after golf school. My daughter and I arrived to class today, paid our registration fee and headed out to the heated tees.

Now, I am not a big fan of having these young kids hit outside during the winter even if the tee’s are heated. So I had sympathy when my daughter said to me:

“Daddy I don’t want to hit outside, I want to stay in here.” I replied with, “Sweetheart we won’t be out there very long and look the rest of your class is already walking out.” So we headed to the heated tees.

Normally, we share a mat with another student and the kids hit four balls and rotate. Last week, we had our own mat and didn’t need to rotate. I thought to myself that this was better because she can get antsy waiting for her turn. I could tell early on that she wasn’t into hitting balls that. She had what I call “wondering eyes” — she was more concerned about everything else around her except the ball we were hitting. Her swings were half-hearted and there wasn’t any effort in trying to hit the ball.

Bucket of Golf Balls

My daughter was able to finish her bucket of balls (which is about 20 balls total) and during those 20 swings, she asked if she could go onto the range and touch the snow. She used her driver as a microphone and was singing into it and was dancing. All typical acts of a normal 3 year old. The only problem was that we were on a driving range and not at home in the family room where she likes to entertain the audience.

Well, since we had our own mat, we finished before the rest of the kids. My daughter was sitting on my lap trying to stay warm and she looks at me and said, “Daddy I want to go home now.” I said, “Honey, we are getting ready to go inside and play the putting game.” I thought that might make her change her mind since that’s what she wanted to do in the first place. She then says again “No Daddy, I just want to leave now.”

So I was in that uncomfortable place that all parents visit from time to time. I wanted to say, “Class is not over and we need to wait until we are finished before we leave,” and at the same time I didn’t want to force her into doing something she didn’t want to do. So we grabbed her bag and headed to the car.

As I loaded up the car, I could feel the aggravation building inside of me. My daughter has never walked out of anything midway through. She takes gymnastics, and never once left in the middle of a session. At this point, I was in complete shock that we were leaving. So on the way home, we  made our stop at Dunkin’ Donuts (we do this after class each time — in the summer we get ice cream and in the winter we get hot chocolate and munchkins). I didn’t want her to think she was being punished for not finishing class. On the way to Dunkin’ Donuts she asked me if she did good.

Now, this is where I make my biggest mistake during this whole incident, I replied “You were doing great until you quit and wanted to leave.” Not even realizing the negativity of the word “quit.” I was so aggravated and frustrated about having to leave in the middle of class that it slipped right out.

She said: “I didn’t quit Daddy.” I replied: “We left before class was over, that’s quitting,” and she replied, “I’m not a quitter.”

I can’t begin to tell you how embarrassed I am to be telling you that those words came out of my mouth. Shame on me! I know better than to use a negative word like “quit.” What I should have said was “You did great, you hit all the balls in the bucket” and followed up with “I wish we could have stayed longer and gone inside to play the putting games with the rest of the class, maybe next week we can stay longer.” So when we get home my wife asked our daughter how golf went and my daughter says “I quit Mommy.” My wife said, “What do you mean you quit? We don’t quit sweetheart” My daughter then said, “No Mommy, I quit and came home.” My wife gives me the what-did-you-say-to-our-daughter-on-the-way-home look. So I had to explain to her what I said and how it slipped out.

I am sharing this story with you because I want you to understand how one negative word can affect your child. She finished her bucket of balls and instead of staying positive, I expressed a negative feeling because of my aggravation. Now my daughter viewed herself as a quitter and not having a feeling of accomplishment for doing so. I can tell you this, it feels horrible inside to hear your daughter say she’s a quitter when asked how  golf class went. She now associated today’s class as a failure rather than a sense of accomplishment. So now instead of class being fun (which is what I have been pushing this whole time, to keep it fun) I now took the fun out of it with one word.

I had all day to think about why my daughter didn’t want to finish class and there are several factors that play a role in this.

No Fun Golf

1. She expressed immediately that she didn’t want to hit outside.

2. Because we didn’t have to share a mat, she was hitting ball after ball after ball. She didn’t get her break while the other child hit his four balls. The activity became monotonous for her.

3. She had playing in the snow on her mind all day and couldn’t wait to get back home so she could go out and play in it. That explains why there wasn’t an effort to hit balls.

4. When we putt inside, there is a bell that rings when you sink a putt (like a reward for making a putt go in). Outside on the range, there’s no sense of accomplishment when you hit the ball well. There are no targets or flags set up close enough for these little kids to strive for. That makes hitting outside not fun for her.

You add up numbers one through four and what do you get? Not fun, and what’s the No. 1 factor that has to remain for kids to be interested in golf? FUN!! We have to keep it fun for them to stay active in this sport. I failed today in keeping it fun. I ignored the fact that she said she didn’t want to go outside and hit. Golf already lost the battle from the start. She had no desire to even want to be there in the first place. She said she wanted to stay inside and putt — I should have asked if she could skip hitting outside and see if it was OK to hit into the one of the indoor nets and then moved onto putting.

I hope my experience from this event helps you understand that what we say to our children can really affect how they feel about golf or anything else in life. We need to concentrate on what we say and even though frustration and aggravation is getting the best of us, we have to remain positive. There were plenty of positives from the 20 balls that she hit and I let frustration get the better of me and left a negative impression on my daughter.

As I tucked her into bed for the night I whispered in her ear, “I had fun today watching you hit balls,” and she gave me a kiss and a hug and said, “I had fun with you too, Daddy.” Hopefully she forgives me.

Click here for more discussion in the “Junior Golf” forum.

Kadin Mahmet has a passion for golf. He has coached at the collegiate level and has worked as an instructor specializing in youth athletics. You can follow Kadin on Twitter @BigKadin. "Like" Growing Up Golf on Facebook @ facebook.com/Growing.Up.Golf for more content.

6 Comments

6 Comments

  1. PeanutsDaddy

    Nov 3, 2013 at 12:46 pm

    A very poignant message Kadin. You clearly demonstrate the power of reflection. I feel blessed to have been introduced to this series. My 3 year old son will benefit from your insights.

    “Words are like eggs dropped from great heights; you can no more call them back than ignore the mess they leave when they fall.”

    ? Jodi Picoult, Salem Falls

  2. Kadin Mahmet

    Feb 7, 2013 at 12:43 am

    Sean and Andy..

    Thanks for the kind words..!!

  3. Andy

    Feb 6, 2013 at 1:27 pm

    This was a wonderful article. I have had so many similar instances with my own daughter who is 4.5 year old. Its almost like when I take her for golfing, I expect her to swing like Tiger or Rory when they were 5 years old. I am so glad you shared your story and I shall apply what I learned here today.

    Learning the art of raising the right way is the most important, many people believe or think that once they become parents it all comes naturally. What comes naturally is – labor, delivery, need to protect, nurture and love. However, what must be learned and helps differentiate parents who create children who are achievers are those who want to learn and accept their shortfalls and improve it in a positive manner.

  4. Sean

    Feb 5, 2013 at 11:45 pm

    Parenting weighs heavy on only those that really care. Be glad that you can recognize and adapt. Your aughter is fortunate to have such a father. I am raising 4, 3 in Golf. Also in Indiana.

  5. Kadin Mahmet

    Feb 1, 2013 at 6:52 pm

    Thanks for taking the time to read and post ABgolfer2, you’re welcome!

  6. ABgolfer2

    Feb 1, 2013 at 5:02 pm

    Thanks for sharing this – I’ve had similar struggles with my daughter. “.

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Opinion & Analysis

The 2 primary challenges golf equipment companies face

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As the editor-in-chief of this website and an observer of the GolfWRX forums and other online golf equipment discourse for over a decade, I’m pretty well attuned to the grunts and grumbles of a significant portion of the golf equipment purchasing spectrum. And before you accuse me of lording above all in some digital ivory tower, I’d like to offer that I worked at golf courses (public and private) for years prior to picking up my pen, so I’m well-versed in the non-degenerate golf equipment consumers out there. I touched (green)grass (retail)!

Complaints about the ills of and related to the OEMs usually follow some version of: Product cycles are too short for real innovation, tour equipment isn’t the same as retail (which is largely not true, by the way), too much is invested in marketing and not enough in R&D, top staffer X hasn’t even put the new driver in play, so it’s obviously not superior to the previous generation, prices are too high, and on and on.

Without digging into the merits of any of these claims, which I believe are mostly red herrings, I’d like to bring into view of our rangefinder what I believe to be the two primary difficulties golf equipment companies face.

One: As Terry Koehler, back when he was the CEO of Ben Hogan, told me at the time of the Ft Worth irons launch, if you can’t regularly hit the golf ball in a coin-sized area in the middle of the face, there’s not a ton that iron technology can do for you. Now, this is less true now with respect to irons than when he said it, and is less and less true by degrees as the clubs get larger (utilities, fairways, hybrids, drivers), but there remains a great deal of golf equipment truth in that statement. Think about it — which is to say, in TL;DR fashion, get lessons from a qualified instructor who will teach you about the fundamentals of repeatable impact and how the golf swing works, not just offer band-aid fixes. If you can’t repeatably deliver the golf club to the golf ball in something resembling the manner it was designed for, how can you expect to be getting the most out of the club — put another way, the maximum value from your investment?

Similarly, game improvement equipment can only improve your game if you game it. In other words, get fit for the clubs you ought to be playing rather than filling the bag with the ones you wish you could hit or used to be able to hit. Of course, don’t do this if you don’t care about performance and just want to hit a forged blade while playing off an 18 handicap. That’s absolutely fine. There were plenty of members in clubs back in the day playing Hogan Apex or Mizuno MP-32 irons who had no business doing so from a ballstriking standpoint, but they enjoyed their look, feel, and complementary qualities to their Gatsby hats and cashmere sweaters. Do what brings you a measure of joy in this maddening game.

Now, the second issue. This is not a plea for non-conforming equipment; rather, it is a statement of fact. USGA/R&A limits on every facet of golf equipment are detrimental to golf equipment manufacturers. Sure, you know this, but do you think about it as it applies to almost every element of equipment? A 500cc driver would be inherently more forgiving than a 460cc, as one with a COR measurement in excess of 0.83. 50-inch shafts. Box grooves. And on and on.

Would fewer regulations be objectively bad for the game? Would this erode its soul? Fortunately, that’s beside the point of this exercise, which is merely to point out the facts. The fact, in this case, is that equipment restrictions and regulations are the slaughterbench of an abundance of innovation in the golf equipment space. Is this for the best? Well, now I’ve asked the question twice and might as well give a partial response, I guess my answer to that would be, “It depends on what type of golf you’re playing and who you’re playing it with.”

For my part, I don’t mind embarrassing myself with vintage blades and persimmons chasing after the quasi-spiritual elevation of a well-struck shot, but that’s just me. Plenty of folks don’t give a damn if their grooves are conforming. Plenty of folks think the folks in Liberty Corner ought to add a prison to the museum for such offences. And those are just a few of the considerations for the amateur game — which doesn’t get inside the gallery ropes of the pro game…

Different strokes in the game of golf, in my humble opinion.

Anyway, I believe equipment company engineers are genuinely trying to build better equipment year over year. The marketing departments are trying to find ways to make this equipment appeal to the broadest segment of the golf market possible. All of this against (1) the backdrop of — at least for now — firm product cycles. And golfers who, with their ~15 average handicap (men), for the most part, are not striping the golf ball like Tiger in his prime and seem to have less and less time year over year to practice and improve. (2) Regulations that massively restrict what they’re able to do…

That’s the landscape as I see it and the real headwinds for golf equipment companies. No doubt, there’s more I haven’t considered, but I think the previous is a better — and better faith — point of departure when formulating any serious commentary on the golf equipment world than some of the more cynical and conspiratorial takes I hear.

Agree? Disagree? Think I’m worthy of an Adam Hadwin-esque security guard tackle? Let me know in the comments.

@golfoncbs The infamous Adam Hadwin tackle ? #golf #fyp #canada #pgatour #adamhadwin ? Ghibli-style nostalgic waltz – MaSssuguMusic

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Podcasts

Fore Love of Golf: Introducing a new club concept

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Episode #16 brings us Cliff McKinney. Cliff is the founder of Old Charlie Golf Club, a new club, and concept, to be built in the Florida panhandle. The model is quite interesting and aims to make great, private golf more affordable. We hope you enjoy the show!

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Opinion & Analysis

On Scottie Scheffler wondering ‘What’s the point of winning?’

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Last week, I came across a reel from BBC Sport on Instagram featuring Scottie Scheffler speaking to the media ahead of The Open at Royal Portrush. In it, he shared that he often wonders what the point is of wanting to win tournaments so badly — especially when he knows, deep down, that it doesn’t lead to a truly fulfilling life.

 

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“Is it great to be able to win tournaments and to accomplish the things I have in the game of golf? Yeah, it brings tears to my eyes just to think about it because I’ve literally worked my entire life to be good at this sport,” Scheffler said. “To have that kind of sense of accomplishment, I think, is a pretty cool feeling. To get to live out your dreams is very special, but at the end of the day, I’m not out here to inspire the next generation of golfers. I’m not out here to inspire someone to be the best player in the world, because what’s the point?”

Ironically — or perhaps perfectly — he went on to win the claret jug.

That question — what’s the point of winning? — cuts straight to the heart of the human journey.

As someone who’s spent over two decades in the trenches of professional golf, and in deep study of the mental, emotional, and spiritual dimensions of the game, I see Scottie’s inner conflict as a sign of soul evolution in motion.

I came to golf late. I wasn’t a junior standout or college All-American. At 27, I left a steady corporate job to see if I could be on the PGA Tour starting as a 14-handicap, average-length hitter. Over the years, my journey has been defined less by trophies and more by the relentless effort to navigate the deeply inequitable and gated system of professional golf — an effort that ultimately turned inward and helped me evolve as both a golfer and a person.

One perspective that helped me make sense of this inner dissonance around competition and our culture’s tendency to overvalue winning is the idea of soul evolution.

The University of Virginia’s Division of Perceptual Studies has done extensive research on reincarnation, and Netflix’s Surviving Death (Episode 6) explores the topic, too. Whether you take it literally or metaphorically, the idea that we’re on a long arc of growth — from beginner to sage elder — offers a profound perspective.

If you accept the premise literally, then terms like “young soul” and “old soul” start to hold meaning. However, even if we set the word “soul” aside, it’s easy to see that different levels of life experience produce different worldviews.

Newer souls — or people in earlier stages of their development — may be curious and kind but still lack discernment or depth. There is a naivety, and they don’t yet question as deeply, tending to see things in black and white, partly because certainty feels safer than confronting the unknown.

As we gain more experience, we begin to experiment. We test limits. We chase extreme external goals — sometimes at the expense of health, relationships, or inner peace — still operating from hunger, ambition, and the fragility of the ego.

It’s a necessary stage, but often a turbulent and unfulfilling one.

David Duval fell off the map after reaching World No. 1. Bubba Watson had his own “Is this it?” moment with his caddie, Ted Scott, after winning the Masters.

In Aaron Rodgers: Enigma, reflecting on his 2011 Super Bowl win, Rodgers said:

“Now I’ve accomplished the only thing that I really, really wanted to do in my life. Now what? I was like, ‘Did I aim at the wrong thing? Did I spend too much time thinking about stuff that ultimately doesn’t give you true happiness?’”

Jim Carrey once said, “I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.”

Eventually, though, something shifts.

We begin to see in shades of gray. Winning, dominating, accumulating—these pursuits lose their shine. The rewards feel more fleeting. Living in a constant state of fight-or-flight makes us feel alive, yes, but not happy and joyful.

Compassion begins to replace ambition. Love, presence, and gratitude become more fulfilling than status, profits, or trophies. We crave balance over burnout. Collaboration over competition. Meaning over metrics.

Interestingly, if we zoom out, we can apply this same model to nations and cultures. Countries, like people, have a collective “soul stage” made up of the individuals within them.

Take the United States, for example. I’d place it as a mid-level soul: highly competitive and deeply driven, but still learning emotional maturity. Still uncomfortable with nuance. Still believing that more is always better. Despite its global wins, the U.S. currently ranks just 23rd in happiness (as of 2025). You might liken it to a gifted teenager—bold, eager, and ambitious, but angsty and still figuring out how to live well and in balance. As much as a parent wants to protect their child, sometimes the child has to make their own mistakes to truly grow.

So when Scottie Scheffler wonders what the point of winning is, I don’t see someone losing strength.

I see someone evolving.

He’s beginning to look beyond the leaderboard. Beyond metrics of success that carry a lower vibration. And yet, in a poetic twist, Scheffler did go on to win The Open. But that only reinforces the point: even at the pinnacle, the question remains. And if more of us in the golf and sports world — and in U.S. culture at large — started asking similar questions, we might discover that the more meaningful trophy isn’t about accumulating or beating others at all costs.

It’s about awakening and evolving to something more than winning could ever promise.

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