Humans are naturally acquisitive creatures. We all have an inbuilt urge to collect things. Back in the dim and distant past, this was probably a smart survival strategy to get us through lean times. If you have all this ‘stuff’ then when it all goes pear shaped, you’ll be alright. If it breaks, you have a backup. If it stops working, you have a new one to hand. It simply makes sense to us, whether it’s food or building materials or anything else. Whatever we can own, two is always better than one.

Men in particular also have a fascination with the minutiae of things. If it’s not stamps (and for your sanity I hope it’s not!) then it’s cars or sports or stereo equipment or something where knowledge of the technical details marks you out as an expert – or a dangerous obsessive! A friend who says that he didn’t do well at school is still nevertheless able to remember the exact engine size the BMW M3, the effective frequency range of Bang & Olufsen speakers and the result of every football match involving Sheffield Wednesday since 1982 (this last one is easy for him as all they seem to do is lose). Why we find trivia like this fascinating is unknown but it seems to hold pretty much true for all men of all ages in all walks of life.

There is also the more general appreciation of well made and finely crafted object. Things are no longer just things when they have been made with such elegance that they become works of art, where just looking at them is an act of pleasure.

Now, wouldn’t it be terrible if there were a sport where the technical specifications of the equipment combined with the quality of construction had an almost direct effect on your performance. Where these pieces of equipment have been loving shaped and formed, forged and milled by craftsmen of the highest order into objects that almost demand to be cosseted and revered. To be displayed in cabinets (or in photo galleries on the web) almost the exclusion of their original mundane sporting purpose.

Golfers have the curse and blessing of playing a sport where all these urges and desires combine. Added to the fact that golfers tend to have a little bit more discretionary income than your average sports fan it leaves us pray to one of the great temptations of any man: the collective urge to ‘ho’. Women golfers seem to be a little less at risk of this condition, possibly due to their being distracted by shoes and handbags – but more probably because they are not quite so stupid.

Golf needn’t be an expensive sport. Perfectly good equipment can be had at a reasonable price, either in sales or second hand, and their durability means that years could go by without them needing replacement. Yet some people change their equipment with such regularity you could mistake the money they spend for the budget of a Forumula One racing team.

These people are club junkies. Also known more commonly as ‘club ho’s’

There are two main types of club ho’s. The first are the collectors. Their motto is ‘He who has the most toys wins!’ – providing that said toys are expensive, have limited availability, are preferably tour or prototype only and cost as much as a small house. Fanatics follows certain brands – most commonly putter manufacturers like Scotty Cameron or Bettinardi, and try to amass the definitive collection of that brand. These are people for whom golf equipment has passed from the everyday piece of sports kit and into the realm of art. For them, these creations are as valuable as any Damien Hirst or Banksy

Sometimes the anticipation of getting something can be greater than actually getting it. This is what drives the second type of club junkie, the one who believes in the dream that a particular new club will straighten their drives or improve their wedge play. These dreams are of course dashed when they actually buy it and they realise that what stops them being a great golfer is them and not the equipment. How else can you explain the unloading of almost brand new equipment on the BST boards so soon after a product launch?

‘To much club for me’, ‘Looking for something different’, ‘Clearout sale’, or even the honest ‘Bored with this’. These are the code words for someone who has let their dreams open their wallet and bought something (or more likely several things) that is either no better than what they already have or just wildly inappropriate for their ability or swing.

You even see people who admit to admiring a set of irons/driver on the BST boards which they consider buying until they realise that they have already bought and sold them before! While not madness, it must be maddening to those around them. There is even a thread on this site devoted to reforming/celebrating club ho’s – the GEAK (Golf Equipment Addicts Kounseling) Group. The posts in GEAK are a slightly tongue-in-cheek mix of acknowledgement that they spend too much money on golf equipment, a chance to tell others what’s in the bag (while promising not to buy anything else really!) and a sympathetic ear for those looking for justification of their purchases and their bizarre habit of spending more time on ebay than on the golf course.

No golfer is immune; we are all at risk of this urge. I first succumbed to it when a manufacturer offered to send me something after we had been chatting online (where else would this happen but golfwrx!). What it would be was not mentioned. All I knew was that this manufacturer only made top end kit so it was going to be something that you find in major winners bags, not just some ‘Joe Golfer’ improvement shovel. For about 3 weeks I was as giddy as a schoolgirl: waiting by the front door for the courier to arrive and drop off this gift, anticipating the moment I could rip open the box and find out what is so great about their equipment. That they turned out to be even better than I imagined seemed to trigger my inner ‘ho’. Suddenly it seemed that whenever I was able to, I sneaked a peak to see what was out there that would be an improvement on my setup. Loft, lies, COGs, MOIs, torque, carbon versus stainless, kickpoints, weights, flexes, compositions, 2 piece versus 3 piece, urethane/surlyn/rabalon, I could suddenly hold conversations that would normally be reserved for people who worked in the golf manufacturing industry. Friends would either be wary of bringing up the topic of golf equipment around me for fear of being bored to death or would actively ask my opinion as they realised that it was cheaper than buying a handful of magazines to find out what the latest and greatest on the market was. I would scour ebay and the BST boards of various forums looking for a bargain or that special something to make me a better golfer. Fortunately the urge to actually play golf rather than ‘buy golf’ reared its head strongly enough that I spend far more time on the course than looking for new equipment. At least for now…

Ultimately, as long as you are not spending the rent money on buying new equipment, the urge to ho is a harmless one, providing satisfaction and enjoyment even when not on the course. But remember, the most flaw-ridden, imperfect and unreliable thing in the game of golf is the person holding the club and if you really want to improve your game, minimize ebay, step away from the presentation case of putters, avert your eyes from the BST board and go and get some lesssons!