19th Hole

Terrible hats are proof Koepka not human, likely an alien robot from the future

Published

7 years ago

Jun 15, 2019

For all this talk about Brooks Koepka not receiving the credit he deserves, it’s time we put the focus on the important things — like hats. And the overwhelming evidence that Koepka is, in fact, a high-functioning alien robot. From the future.

Case in point: everyone who appreciates a classic aliens-hide-among-humans-disguised-as-humans movie knows the most important scene — the first reveal of the aliens! Think back to that first time you watched Men in Black, and that cold open where Tommy Lee Jones confronts “Mikey,” who turns out to be a flippered blue alien, and then (sadly) has to shoot Mikey when he attempts to attack a police officer with all seven of his limbs. A beautiful piece of filmmaking, no doubt.

Well, inadvertently, during the first two rounds of the U.S. Open at Pebble Beach, Nike pulled a Mikey, but without having Tommy Lee Jones’ famous memory-wiping technology. They weren’t quite ready to tell the world their poster boy of dominance wasn’t a real human, but the cat’s out of the bag, folks.

After all, if Koepka wasn’t a robot, how could we explain his willingness to wear that hat in public, let alone wear it on television, during one of the sports biggest stages, at one of the world’s best courses? And we all know exactly which hat we’re talking about — the one that looks exactly like your grandmother’s shower curtain in her spare bathroom. If we can all agree there’s no feasible way all the designers at Nike thought the hat in question actually looked good, we’re forced to consider…something mysterious is afoot. What is Nike trying to hide from us? They’re clearly trying to divert our attention away from something, but — what is it?!

The answer is clear. There’s a murderous blue alien robot underneath that hat. He just happens to be really damn good at golf.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’re well aware of Koepka’s dominance over the past 24 months. The dude has done nothing but win majors, winning with an aura of unflappability we haven’t seen since the original robot said “Hello, World” back when Koepka was learning how to read. (Or, more likely, Koepka never actually learned to read, just programmed to read).

Would it be that much of a surprise to learn Koepka is the world’s first successful application of Artificial Intelligence? A robot designed not for war, but a delightful piece of technology designed for smashing drives, pushing weights, and holing an obscene amount of pressure-packed putts.

Here’s where this gets tricky – what do we do next, golf fans? Do we call our suspicions into the USGA, the same way some dude at home on his couch somehow called a penalty(-ish) on Dustin Johnson a couple years ago? Probably not. We know with certainy the USGA would completely screw that up. They might not even rule on an appropriate penalty for Koepka’s non-humanness until the event is over, keeping us all in the dark all evening Sunday.

Here’s my thoughts: maybe we just accept it. Act like it’s n.b.d. Brooks Koepka is just an alien robot, most likely from some time in the future, sent here to entertain us with some of the most unbelievable golf we’ll ever see on this planet or the next.

But please, Nike, let’s all wink at each other with knowing smiles, and at least pretend he’s just your run of the mill (non-alien) professional golfer. Give him one of your clean looking white swoosh hats Rory wears. They look great! Or, hell, let him just take off the hat altogether and let the alien hang out. We don’t care. Just don’t make us look at grandma’s shower curtain over the weekend. It’s an insult to spare bathrooms everywhere.

19th Hole

How much each player won at the 2026 Masters

Published

1 month ago

Apr 13, 2026

Gianni Magliocco

Rory McIlroy made it two wins in as many years at Augusta National, seeing off the challengers on a dramatic Sunday to slip on the green jacket once again. The victory earned Rory a whopping payday of $4.5 million, with Scottie Scheffler his closest challenger earning $2.43 million for his sole runner-up finish.

With a total prize purse of $22.5 million up for grabs, here’s a look at how much each player won at the 2026 Masters tournament.

For players that did not make the cut, they still earned $25k for their efforts at the year’s opening major.

1: Rory McIlroy, $4.5 million
2: Scottie Scheffler, $2.43 million
T3: Tyrrell Hatton, $1.08 million
T3: Russell Henley, $1.08 million
T3: Justin Rose, $1.08 million
T3: Cameron Young, $1.08 million
T7: Collin Morikawa, $725,625
T7: Sam Burns, $725,625
T9: Xander Schauffele, $630,00
T9: Max Homa, $630,00
11: Jake Knapp, $562,500
T12: Jordan Spieth, $427,500
T12: Brooks Koepka, $427,500
T12: Hideki Matsuyama, $427,500
T12: Patrick Reed, $427,500
T12: Patrick Cantlay, $427,500
T12: Jason Day, $427,500
T18: Viktor Hovland, $315,000
T18: Maverick McNealy, $315,000
T18: Matt Fitzpatrick, $315,000
T21: Keegan Bradley, $252,000
T21: Ludvig Aberg, $252,000
T21: Wyndham Clark, $252,000
T24: Matt McCarty, $182,083
T24: Adam Scott, $182,083
T24: Sam Stevens, $182,083
T24: Chris Gotterup, $182,083
T24: Michael Brennan, $182,083
T24: Brian Campbell, $182,083
T30: Alex Noren, $146,250
T30: Harris English, $146,250
T30: Shane Lowry, $146,250
T33: Gary Woodland, $121,500
T33: Dustin Johnson, $121,500
T33: Brian Harman, $121,500
T33: Tommy Fleetwood, $121,500
T33: Ben Griffin, $121,500
T38: Jon Rahm, $105,750
T38: Ryan Gerard, $101,250
T38: Haotong Li, $96,750
T41: Justin Thomas, $92,250
T41: Sepp Straka, $87,750
T41: Jacob Bridgeman, $83,250
T41: Kristoffer Reitan, $78,750
T41: Nick Taylor, $74,250
46: Sungjae Im, $69,750
47: Si Woo Kim, $65,250
48: Aaron Rai, $61,650
T49: Corey Conners, $57,600
T49: Marco Penge, $57,600
51: Kurt Kitayama, $55,250
52: Sergio Garcia, $54,000
53: Rasmus Hojgaard, $52,650
54: Charl Schwartzel, $51,300

19th Hole

CBS’s Sunday Masters coverage slammed by golf fans

Published

1 month ago

Apr 13, 2026

Gianni Magliocco

While Sunday was a dramatic day at the Masters, many golf fans were left feeling frustrated by the CBS final round coverage.

There were plenty of moments that golf fans took to social media to air their frustrations on Sunday over, including a lack of shots being shown throughout the day, being behind the live action, confusion over the approach shots of the final group on 18, and providing an angle for the winning putt where the cup couldn’t be seen.

Here’s a look at some of the criticisms that were directed at the CBS coverage throughout the day on X:

This has been a brutal broadcast for CBS. When the folks from Augusta sit down with them this year, you can bet they’ll talk about this 15 seconds where we have no idea where Rory’s ball went, and Dottie moans. #TheMasters pic.twitter.com/ak3mkpIN7V

— Ryan (@PossiblyRy) April 12, 2026

It’s rare criticism coming in for CBS, who are usually heavily praised for their Masters coverage each year.

19th Hole

The surprise club Tommy Fleetwood says is key to his Masters chances

Published

1 month ago

Apr 7, 2026

Gianni Magliocco

Tommy Fleetwood goes in search for the first major victory of his career again this week, with the Englishman proving to be a popular pick at Augusta National.

Fleetwood’s best showing at Augusta came back in 2024 where he finished T3, and while speaking at his pre-tournament press conference, the 35-year-old emphasized the importance of his 9-wood in his pursuit of the green jacket.

Speaking on Tuesday to media, Fleetwood said:

“It’s a great 9-wood golf course. I think it’s always been — I can’t remember when I first put like a 9-wood in or a high lofted club, but it’s a perfect like 9-wood golf course. I’ve had that in the bag for a few years.”

The Englishman continued, revealing that his strategy for the week won’t just be to hit driver off the tee as much as possible:

“Yeah, it’s funny really because I know Augusta is probably associated with being fairly forgiving off the tee in a way, so you think you can whale around driver a little bit. But I don’t necessarily think that’s always the play for me. I think there’s holes that set up really well where I can draw it with the mini driver if I’m feeling less comfortable with the driver and things like that.”

That strategy he believes will make his TaylorMade Qi10 9-wood extra critical this week in Georgia:

“The biggest thing is the 9-wood for me. If I can put myself in position on the par-5s or the 4th long par-3, like it — for me, I can’t really hit that high 4-iron, so 9-wood helps me a lot.”