In every sport I’ve ever played – mostly the ones where you try to beat the tar out of someone before he beats the tar out of you – one of the greatest things has been the away trip. It never mattered if we were on the other side of the world or just down the road, only that we were a bunch of guys out to play sport, have some fun and maybe, just maybe, drink a couple of beers.

Some of my best memories and some of my best lack of memories have been on tour: being handcuffed to a minibus in Wales, waving my friend off in an Argentinian police car (lobbing firecrackers under police cars is never a good idea, especially when you don’t speak the language and especially when you are drunk) and watching the final nail-biting match of the 2005 Ashes in a Melbourne pub. Most of all there is the great camaraderie that is generated from living cheek by jowl out of a suitcase with a bunch of blokes that just happen to be as mad about sport as you are.

Having played no other sport but golf for a couple of years now (since I got too old and too broken for organised violence like rugby or AFL) I realised that the only way I was going to go on an away trip was to sort one out myself. Anyone who has organised a sports trip either for just a couple of days or a full-on tour will know that this is no easy task. Not only do you have to take into account what dates everybody who has expressed an interest is available for, you also need to match the location and facilities to everyone’s budget and sporting ability. Herding cats would be simpler, easier and decidedly less painful.

When you first suggest the idea to your friends, every man and his dog wants to come. Very soon after their enthusiastic protestations that they ‘absolutely will come’ they realise that either the date is wrong as it clashes with Auntie Margaret’s 90th birthday or they are counting the pennies to send little Tabitha to private nursery or more often that the wife has put her foot down and said no (that word often being followed by the phrase ‘those shelves won’t go up by themselves you know’ or something similar). Suddenly the 30 people you thought were going have become you and some friend of a friend who you have never met and apparently has body odour issues.

I figured that the easiest way to do it would be to find a place and time that suited me perfectly and sod everyone else. Completely selfish, it sounded brilliant provided I could convince at least 2 other people to come with me.

First things first, I needed to see what options were available. Pretty much every golf magazine you pick up has a large section of the back dedicated to golf trips abroad. I don’t know of any other sport where the magazines have so many adverts for trips away. While the magazine adverts were great for people who already knew what they wanted, the internet seemed the place to go as I has no idea what our destination would be.

There is an absolute plethora of companies out there who deal with golf trips. These specialised travel agents are effectively one stop shops, covering everything from flights, accommodation, green fees and even car hire or transfers from the airport to the hotel and everything in between. Not only do they seem to cover everything that a golf trip could involve they also offer the widest range of locations. As it was the depths of winter, somewhere hot was a must. As an Englishman, when I say hot I don’t mean the sort of place that will have the skin falling from my back in great sunburnt sheets (yes Australia, I’m talking about you) but the sort of place where lying in the sun by the pool with a refreshing beverage is the required behaviour for a golfer who has just finished his round. Preferably this balmy idyll would not involve going halfway around the world so no more than a few hours flight at most would be nice.

If you are making the effort to go on a golf trip, it only makes sense that the course you play on is a decent one. I fancied testing my skills against something that the pros would and preferably do play on. And one that would be pretty enough to make me bite my putter in half at its manicured beauty. Also, and most importantly, it should not require the selling of one of my kidneys to finance the trip.

In coming up with this list I thought that the shortlist would be just that, short. The reality is that there are an incredible number of top class courses out there ready and able to take a bunch of hackers and show them what a golf course should look like.

After much deliberation, the winner was Penina in southern Portugal. Only a couple of hours flight from London, it met all the requirements and more: balmy weather, a top quality hotel with a championship course (designed by 6 time major winner Henry Cotton) that has hosted Tour events, brilliant facilities including a swimming pool, tennis courts and no less than 6 bars. At the price the travel agent was offering, it was a steal.

Mentioning it quietly to about 15 guys produced about half a dozen interested parties and from that group, 3 that were prepared to put their money down.

Having not gone on a golf trip before, I checked out some forums to see if I could get any advice that would make it as painless as possible. The advice boiled down to a few things. Most of them were generic travelling tips but there were also a few that were specific to travelling with golf gear. Of the ones that weren’t just the standard ‘travelling to a foreign country’ type advice: ‘take sunscreen’, ‘check the weather before you go’ etc, I’ve included the more useful ones at the end of this (see, aren’t I nice!).

Not that I’ve ever needed much of a reason, this was a great excuse for a bit of equipment ‘hoing’. Unless you’ve been on a trip, there is no reason for you to have travel case but frankly you’d be mad to go away without one. As in all other areas of golf equipment, there is something for everybody, from cheap and cheerful (and apparently made out of old T-shirts) to hard cases tough enough to canoe down the Colorado River. I chose a soft case that would be secure and study enough to keep my beloved clubs in one piece rather than a hard case purely as it would be easier to get into the transport at the other end. The fact that it is a lurid red colour that makes it easy to see on the baggage carousel is pretty nice too. It’s embarrassing enough picking up the wrong suitcase and then having to explain it was a genuine mistake and not an attempt to nick someone’s dirty laundry, let alone someone else’s phenomenally expensive and lovingly collected clubs just because the have the same drab coloured travel bag.

The arrangements have all been made, money has been paid and I’m looking forward to this like a kid before Christmas. I’ll let you know how the trip pans out.

Top Travel Tips for Golfers

• Get a travel case, absolutely 100 percent get one. Soft cases are fine 99% of the time, especially if you put in a ClubGlove Stiff Arm or bit of broom stick longer than your driver to take any blows. Hard cases offer more protection but are a pain to get into any car, especially when there’s a group of you.
• Remember your passport and make sure it is valid. Now this one is not something I’ve ever thought about too much but a travel agent of my acquaintance tells me that one of the commonest cries for help they get is when someone turns up and the airport either without their passport or with one that has expired. Remember also that some countries require at least 6 months validity past your travel date and can also require at least one clear page in your passport.
• Get travel insurance. No on wants to get to the baggage reclaim to find out that their equipment off to Zanzibar via Ulan Baator but it’s nice to know that if it does happen hiring a replacement set is covered and should your kit never make it back, someone else buys you a brand new set.
• Check your free luggage allowance when booking your flights. Many airlines are cutting back on the size of your allowance but you should be aware that some airlines exclude sporting equipment from this restriction. For example, on both British Airways and American airlines flying with a golf bag is free but on Air France it depends on the destination and on Ryanair it costs 25 euros (34 USD).