By Jordan Holley

Special to GolfWRX

Jordan Holley, 28, is a mini-tour player pursuing his dream of earning a PGA Tour card. He graduated from Lynn University in Boca Raton, Fla., where he was an NCAA All-American and a member of the Cleveland Golf Academic All-American First Team. He qualified for the U.S. Amateur in 2008, and since turning professional has played on the NGA Hooters and eGolf tours, as well as other minor league tours. 

So, since the last time I wrote, I have managed to play some fairly poor golf, coupled with a few tough breaks. I have shown flashes of things I know are possible from me, but I have had a serious lack of consistency, an incredibly important piece to this “puzzle”.

I’m not going to lie, I haven’t written because I never wanted to show the darker, more depressing side of this game, but instead focus on the positive. It’s something people that know me would agree is a conscious effort on my part to always keep my head up and my eyes on the bigger picture. However, sitting here contemplating the day I had, I realized, you guys don’t want to hear a bunch of sugar-coated nonsense if its not true – people don’t watch NASCAR for the passing or the pit stops. They watch it for the fiery crash. I’ll give this as an example – people tuning in to the Honda Classic this weekend probably knew Rory McIlroy was going to win, even after Tiger’s incredible final effort, but didn’t we all want to see a little slip? See, the slip is what I didn’t want to make public … I wanted to keep it for myself. Now that I am getting it off my chest, it feels good.

I’ll start with the first event after I last wrote. I played the Honda Classic pre-qualifier a week ago Thursday.  Basically, tee it up and don’t be an idiot and you’re through. After a great week of preparation and an incredible lesson with Mike Adams (Medalist Country Club), I played three rounds practice rounds and shot 69 or below every day including a virtually mistake-free 67 on the course where the actual Monday qualifier was to be played – Mayacoo Lakes Country Club. Long story short, during the qualifier, I hit my first tee shot out of bounds, and got absolutely nothing out of a round on a pretty easy track and wound up with a 74 … thanks for coming. So, as I assessed my progress and where I needed the most work, I decided to take a few days off of playing and just beat some balls, go see the Honda Classic and relax!

Well, after a pretty good weekend of practice and some good times with my best friends from North Carolina and one of their good buddies, Jason Kokrak, a PGA Tour player who is a potential candidate for 2012 Rookie of the Year, I was motivated, reenergized, and pumped for the first “major” of the year on the GOLFslinger’s Minor League Golf Tour.

The first round was this past Tuesday. After the forecast called for winds gusting to 35 mph I knew it would be a good one. I was committed, patient, and it paid off with a one-under 71 that could have been three or four shots lower had I not missed a handful of short putts. That Round 1 score would leave me only two shots back and tied for third heading into the final round. I committed myself that night to focus on nothing but the process and my commitment to every shot. Basically, I just let go of trying to control the outcome. I was committed to my first tee shot as much as I can ever remember being, and I striped a 3 wood more than 280 yards right down the middle. I continued to remain committed to every other shot, but after bogeys on both front-nine par fives and a birdie on No. 9, I was 1-over for the tournament.

With the winds swirling, nobody in the final groups were really making a move. I thought to myself, time to get after it. After another solid tee ball on No. 10, I hit a sand wedge from 126 yards straight downwind over the flag and over the back of the green. I had a great lie and was now chipping back in to the wind, so I was thinking of holing the shot. As it turned out, I hit it to six inches.  I made a great two-putt par on No. 11 and was standing on No. 12 tee knowing if I could just manage a few birdies coming in, I would leave myself in good shape.

Here’s where I wish I could time travel and think my way through this tee shot again.  The hole was 410 yards long but with water around 270 down the left and a tree in the middle of the fairway, my thought was to keep a driver down the right side and attack this hole instead of playing defense. I figured, with the wind straight into us, driver would leave me a 7 or 8 iron, where the safer 3 wood would go no more than 230 yards with the gale we faced. I had hit the driver beautifully and was committed to the shot. I blocked it just a touch and the wind grabbed it and took it all the way right. After a tough kick right, my ball found a hazard. I now had a small group of trees blocking my view to the green and 174 yards to the hole. I cut a 5 iron around and over the trees, which left it in a good position just short of the green. Standing over the chip, my thought was to hole it for par and get out of there! I chipped it just short and right and missed the easiest putt in golf for a right hander, an up-the-hill 3 footer with a little break to the left for a double bogey. The next tee shot we faced was from 175 yards, but played more like 210 to 215 yards with the same wind in our face. With water short and left and a tough bunker right, I committed to leave the pin alone and put the ball just a little long and right of the pin. I hit the shot I envisioned but the wind caught it and took it into the right bunker. I had to really nip the bunker shot to have a chance of getting it up-and-in and caught it a touch too clean and left myself a 30-foot downwind, downhill par putt with close to 12 feet of break. Staying committed and trusting my line, I left it 10 feet short. I missed the next putt for another double.

Now I have just thrown myself out of contention and into survival mode.  I needed the money and I knew it … what had I just done? Well, I parred the next two holes with wedges into both and hit my tee ball out of bounds on No. 15.  Now I’ve really crashed and burned, huh? I hit my provisional down the pipe and hit my wedge to a foot — bogey. I left a lengthy birdie putt hanging dead center just short on No. 17 and moved to No. 18 slightly dejected but with hopes of an eagle finish. I hit the fairway and had 245 yards into the same wind just slightly off the right. I knew it was a stretch, but I decided to try to rip a 3 wood, even though both of my playing partners wisely laid up. I was completely into the shot, and thought I hit enough of it to get to the front edge at the very least. After reaching the green and unable to find the ball, I walked back to the edge of the hazard and found my ball plugged in the mud just over the water (only a 220 yard carry).  I took a shoe off and made a mess, but got the ball on the green and two putted for my par and a seven over 79.  After turning in my scorecard, an overwhelming sense of failure, embarrassment and anger took over my mind.

“How could you choke like that? ” I asked myself. I have been in these situations before and have learned to deal with both great success and some failures, but this one hurts. I’m so close to broke and putting too much time into it to fail like that when it matters most. As I left the course I told myself I was going to learn something, I had to just figure out what it was.

I had plenty of time to mull it over as I was now on my way to work from 3 p.m. to 6 p.m. at Jonathans Landing, a driving range in Jupiter. Let me just explain how this feels — I have just given away hundreds, maybe thousands of dollars, haven’t eaten lunch, am 28 years old, have to go pick a driving range, have a college degree, have a root canal/rent/bills I need to pay for. I think my mind almost exploded yesterday. The guys at JL have extended practice privileges to me in exchange for the work but I was in a pretty poor frame of mind as I started cleaning up the range.

I’ll leave you guys/girls with this, I had the chance to speak with some of the older guys out at the course who know the game and have experience dealing or seeing guys deal with this type of failure.  My focus has been so much on the individual, weekly, even daily process and I have let myself ride these waves of emotion both up and down.  This isn’t the first time I have learned this but I intend it to be the last.  My goal isn’t the money, even if it keeps me out there, but instead to learn and grow on my way to the PGA Tour. This is tough for me to share this failure and I hope maybe it helps someone else who isn’t in that situation yet. I’ve read the most amazing book every time I’ve gotten myself here and I’m reading it again now. David Cook’s “Golf’s Sacred Journey” is a well known story by now after they made the movie “Seven Days in Utopia,” and even as I haven’t seen the movie I know that this book is a MUST read for anyone playing any sport, especially golf. It is short, easy to read, and can completely change the mindset of an athlete.

My journey isn’t glamorous, but I’m loving my life and my chance to chase my dream. I’m off to caddy the Quail Valley Member-Guest the next three days and make some money to invest in my next adventure. Until next time … see it, feel it, trust it and commit to something or you can fall to anything!

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You can follow Jordan’s progress on twitter @J_holley6under, and at www.jordanholleygolf.com.