Scanning news headlines over the past few days, you may have seen the item: “Police: Fight Over Golf Rules Sends 2 To Hospital.”

If you haven’t read the whole story, the core of it is too fabulous to paraphrase. Check out the excerpt below about the brawl between a 42-year-old and a 63-year-old on the links in southwestern Pennsylvania:

State police say they’re continuing to investigate a fight between two golfers who wound up in the emergency room after an argument over the rules on a Pennsylvania golf course.

…The suspects were playing together at the Springdale Golf Course in South Union Township Sunday afternoon when ‘they became embroiled in a heated debate over the rules of golf, specifically regarding water, on the 5th hole.’

The golfers managed to finish that hole and another before the argument ‘reignited’ on the 7th hole ‘similarly involving rules, or lack of understanding of said rules.’

Obviously, we NEED the specific details of this story. Did the two gentlemen really throw down over their understandings of rule 26-1? What were the competing positions of golfer No. 1 and golfer No. 2? Who was right?

In the absence of these details we’re left to wonder.

The spat brings up an even more intriguing question: “What can get a golfer punched out?”

While the answers to the above may be many (hitting on the cart girl when she’s your playing partner’s daughter, cheating in a high-stakes match), I was pleased to see we have a whole forum thread devoted to the topic of fisticuffs on the fairways.

Duffner’s Waggle started the thread “Ever gotten in a fight on the course??” in July. Already, there are come classic tales.

Here are three of the best so far.

Albatross85

I knocked a guy out during a Calcutta at a private country club 2 summers ago. I hadn’t thrown a real punch since middle school but this guy had it coming. Some of you will consider this a humble brag but im just telling it as it happened.

Back story:

I play in this same 2 day tourney every year for almost 10 years now. Great tournament, 2 man scramble. Play saturday, get flighted, calcutta saturday night,etc. So 3 years ago this guy i played high school golf against who is a known cheater gets thrown out of the tournament for turning in an even par 70 for the tournament but he turned in 8 birdies and a 62 for the skins game we play with about 40 of us separate from the tournament. So he gets told he can never come back.

Fast forward to the next year (2 summers ago) and he shows up saturday night to the bar before the calcutta action. Mind you this is 3 hours from where we live. We ask him what he’s doing there and he says he’s gonna buy some teams and bid everyone up at the calcutta. At this point he and I have known each other for years and i say “don’t mess with my team, we arent the reason you arent allowed back”. He replies with “why, what are you gonna do about it?”

Couple hours later, we are at the calcutta and i warn him again and he replies basically the same. At this point I’m 8 crown/7s deep and feeling froggy. I tell him if he bids on us im gonna put him on his back. He says “we’ll see”. We get to the point that our team is up for auction and i bid $100, he raises his hand says $150. I spring out of my chair (about 5 more crown/7s at this point) and run over to him. I scream at him “raise your hand again” all while im raising mine to bid $200. He looks me square in the eyes and raises his hand. I knocked him clean out of his chair. The whole place erupted and i was nearly ejected until people started screaming that he wasnt even supposed to be there for being a cheater.

ChicagoCook

Not too long ago I took a few lessons from one of the top teaches in Illinois . Lessons were $250 an hour / but I heard he was excellent so price didn’t matter .

Anyway 1 at two lessons were demanding , and I just wasn’t grasping his concepts . I developed shanks and huge huge over the top from his teachings in a short amount of time . Explained my situation to him on the phone , and signed for a 3 rd lesson . On the phone he was shocked I wasn’t improving , and seemed frustrated with me and his tone was very brisk . Not letting that deter me , I met him for a 3 rd lesson . During this meeting , I still wasn’t getting it and I told him directly I wasn’t.

At this moment he snapped , told me everyone gets his method and actually told me to leave . I was shocked. , but I had enough of this clown and decided to walk away . While leaving , I heard him say ” a. Hole”.

I was so so upset , turned around and we both came face to face and exchanged many words . He pushed me in the shoulder and continued to downgrade me as a bad student and an a hole . I had enough , I hit him so hard in the jaw .. I literally knocked him out cold . He fell like a bag of potatoes out cold.

I got in my car and drove home expecting the police to call . Never did , I called back a week later to apologize and he never returned my call . I’m actually a calm person , so this really isn’t me . To this day I feel embarrassed by this mess .. Not sure how the rest of you would’ve acted. Stinks , it was so expensive and I wanted to really improve my game . Guy had such a big ego , he couldn’t take a normal guy telling him the truth . I just couldn’t grasp it, and for that he went crazy.

Cardoustie

30 years ago. I was 17 and got charged by a kid who was windmilling roundhouses as he came at me screaming “you stole balls off my little brother!!! “. It was right out of the twilight zone and no reasoning would stop this freight train.

I think I ducked a few, hit him in the ribs and then uppercut him hard and he teetered over like a drunken sailor.