Instruction
To Manage Your Emotions Is To Perpetuate Them
You have heard the advice of keep your head up, and keep a positive body language, and force a smile on your face, and keep a cool head.
You have also heard of managing your emotions.
You have certainly known managers in your life. How well-liked are they? How efficient are they? You have heard of world-class businessmen. World-class athletes. World-class CEOs. World-class artists.
Have you ever heard of a world-class manager? World-class managers live within the theories of academia. For managing anything leads to a manipulation of it. And that which is manipulated gets taken away from its natural source.
What if it were up to you to manage your heartbeat? Would you still be alive?
What if it were up to you to manage your respiration? Would you still be breathing? What if it were up to you to manage your digestion? Would you be appropriately nourished? What if it were up to you to manage your brain activity? Would you still be intelligent?
Think of all the things that are NOT up to you. The things that happen of their own accord. Are they not wonderfully efficient in their self-managed state? Unmanaged by you?
Now think of all the things that are up to you. Things that you directly control and manipulate and regulate and MANAGE. Your relationships, your decisions, your strategies, your financial choices, your parenting methods, your attempts at happiness, your attempts at success, and so on. How does their efficiency compare to that which goes unmanaged in your life?
There is an enormous amount of appreciation for the fact that some athletes, though they may be writhing in emotional discontent on the inside, are able to present an acceptable face on the outside. They are able to demonstrate a semblance of keeping it together. In fact, this is actually being taught to athletes. That no matter how you feel on the inside, just don’t let it show on the outside.
If an athlete is feeling it on the inside, he might as well let it show on the outside. For in letting it show, he will let it go. Let him break every club in his bag. Let him throw his caddie into the lake. Let him scream at his coach.
The effects upon the athlete’s performance are a function of what he feels on the INSIDE, regardless of whether he CHOOSES to manifest it on the outside.
When an athlete is playing his best, is it because he manufactures a calm face on the outside, or is it because he feels calm on the inside? Is it because he keeps it together, or is it because he is together?
The INSIDE is the only side that matters. The inside is what the athlete reacts to. The inside determines how he performs.
Dealing with emotions or managing emotions is to settle in for a life-long fight. Because you will not have addressed the source of the emotional turmoil, you will be doomed by it forever.
In understanding one’s mind, one understands the seat of emotional strife. He begins to unravel the maze of complexity that has been his life for decades.
In the work I do, I choose not to add things to human beings, but to subtract things from them. Subtract that which they have accumulated in their endless attempts at fixing and concealing and dealing and managing.
In this way, I can have the professional athlete return to his fundamental state. Like when he was a child, and all that was done was done naturally.
When there was no need to manage anything. When anything that came, left just as easily.
That which is managed is perpetuated. That which is managed gets destroyed.
When one’s conflicts and inner struggles are explored and examined, they begin to disintegrate.
When they are managed and manipulated, they grow roots within the human being.
Is it not time to unravel and dismantle the very force that has been managing YOU for so many years?
There may be no more painful affliction in golf than the “yips” – those uncontrollable and maddening little nervous twitches that prevent you from making a decent stroke on short putts. If you’ve never had them, consider yourself very fortunate (or possibly just very young). But I can assure you that when your most treacherous and feared golf shot is not the 195 yard approach over water with a quartering headwind…not the extra tight fairway with water left and sand right…not the soft bunker shot to a downhill pin with water on the other side…No, when your most feared shot is the remaining 2- 4-foot putt after hitting a great approach, recovery or lag putt, it makes the game almost painful.
And I’ve been fighting the yips (again) for a while now. It’s a recurring nightmare that has haunted me most of my adult life. I even had the yips when I was in my 20s, but I’ve beat them into submission off and on most of my adult life. But just recently, that nasty virus came to life once again. My lag putting has been very good, but when I get over one of those “you should make this” length putts, the entire nervous system seems to go haywire. I make great practice strokes, and then the most pitiful short-stroke or jab at the ball you can imagine. Sheesh.
But I’m a traditionalist, and do not look toward the long putter, belly putter, cross-hand, claw or other variation as the solution. My approach is to beat those damn yips into submission some other way. Here’s what I’m doing that is working pretty well, and I offer it to all of you who might have a similar affliction on the greens.
When you are over a short putt, forget the practice strokes…you want your natural eye-hand coordination to be unhindered by mechanics. Address your putt and take a good look at the hole, and back to the putter to ensure good alignment. Lighten your right hand grip on the putter and make sure that only the fingertips are in contact with the grip, to prevent you from getting to tight.
Then, take a long, long look at the hole to fill your entire mind and senses with the target. When you bring your head/eyes back to the ball, try to make a smooth, immediate move right into your backstroke — not even a second pause — and then let your hands and putter track right back together right back to where you were looking — the HOLE! Seeing the putter make contact with the ball, preferably even the forward edge of the ball – the side near the hole.
For me, this is working, but I am asking all of you to chime in with your own “home remedies” for the most aggravating and senseless of all golf maladies. It never hurts to have more to fall back on!
Over the last couple of decades, golf has become much more science-based. We measure swing speed, smash factor, angle of attack, strokes gained, and many other metrics that can really help golfers improve. But I often wonder if the advancement of golf’s “hard” sciences comes at the expense of the “soft” sciences.
Take, for example, golf instruction. Good golf instruction requires understanding swing mechanics and ball flight. But let’s take that as a given for PGA instructors. The other factors that make an instructor effective can be evaluated by social science, rather than launch monitors.
If you are a recreational golfer looking for a golf instructor, here are my top three points to consider.
1. Cultural mindset
What is “cultural mindset? To social scientists, it means whether a culture of genius or a culture of learning exists. In a golf instruction context, that may mean whether the teacher communicates a message that golf ability is something innate (you either have it or you don’t), or whether golf ability is something that can be learned. You want the latter!
It may sound obvious to suggest that you find a golf instructor who thinks you can improve, but my research suggests that it isn’t a given. In a large sample study of golf instructors, I found that when it came to recreational golfers, there was a wide range of belief systems. Some instructors strongly believed recreational golfers could improve through lessons. while others strongly believed they could not. And those beliefs manifested in the instructor’s feedback given to a student and the culture created for players.
2. Coping and self-modeling can beat role-modeling
Swing analysis technology is often preloaded with swings of PGA and LPGA Tour players. The swings of elite players are intended to be used for comparative purposes with golfers taking lessons. What social science tells us is that for novice and non-expert golfers, comparing swings to tour professionals can have the opposite effect of that intended. If you fit into the novice or non-expert category of golfer, you will learn more and be more motivated to change if you see yourself making a ‘better’ swing (self-modeling) or seeing your swing compared to a similar other (a coping model). Stay away from instructors who want to compare your swing with that of a tour player.
3. Learning theory basics
It is not a sexy selling point, but learning is a process, and that process is incremental – particularly for recreational adult players. Social science helps us understand this element of golf instruction. A good instructor will take learning slowly. He or she will give you just about enough information that challenges you, but is still manageable. The artful instructor will take time to decide what that one or two learning points are before jumping in to make full-scale swing changes. If the instructor moves too fast, you will probably leave the lesson with an arm’s length of swing thoughts and not really know which to focus on.
As an instructor, I develop a priority list of changes I want to make in a player’s technique. We then patiently and gradually work through that list. Beware of instructors who give you more than you can chew.
So if you are in the market for golf instruction, I encourage you to look beyond the X’s and O’s to find the right match!
Most pros take months, even years, to win their first tournament. Lottie Woad needed exactly four days.
The 21-year-old from Surrey shot 21-under 267 at Dundonald Links to win the ISPS Handa Women’s Scottish Open by three shots — in her very first event as a professional. She’s only the third player in LPGA history to accomplish this feat, joining Rose Zhang (2023) and Beverly Hanson (1951).
But here’s what caught my attention as a coach: Woad didn’t win through miraculous putting or bombing 300-yard drives. She won through relentless precision and unshakeable composure. After watching her performance unfold, I’m convinced every golfer — from weekend warriors to scratch players — can steal pages from her playbook.
Precision Beats Power (And It’s Not Even Close)
Forget the driving contests. Woad proved that finding greens matters more than finding distance.
What Woad did:
• Hit it straight, hit it solid, give yourself chances
• Aimed for the fat parts of greens instead of chasing pins
• Let her putting do the talking after hitting safe targets
• As she said, “Everyone was chasing me today, and managed to maintain the lead and played really nicely down the stretch and hit a lot of good shots”
Why most golfers mess this up:
• They see a pin tucked behind a bunker and grab one more club to “go right at it”
• Distance becomes more important than accuracy
• They try to be heroic instead of smart
ACTION ITEM: For your next 10 rounds, aim for the center of every green regardless of pin position. Track your greens in regulation and watch your scores drop before your swing changes.
The Putter That Stayed Cool Under Fire
Woad started the final round two shots clear and immediately applied pressure with birdies at the 2nd and 3rd holes. When South Korea’s Hyo Joo Kim mounted a charge and reached 20-under with a birdie at the 14th, Woad didn’t panic.
How she responded to pressure:
• Fired back with consecutive birdies at the 13th and 14th
• Watched Kim stumble with back-to-back bogeys
• Capped it with her fifth birdie of the day at the par-5 18th
• Stayed patient when others pressed, pressed when others cracked
What amateurs do wrong:
• Get conservative when they should be aggressive
• Try to force magic when steady play would win
• Panic when someone else makes a move
ACTION ITEM: Practice your 3-6 foot putts for 15 minutes after every range session. Woad’s putting wasn’t spectacular—it was reliable. Make the putts you should make.
Course Management 101: Play Your Game, Not the Course’s Game
Woad admitted she couldn’t see many scoreboards during the final round, but it didn’t matter. She stuck to her game plan regardless of what others were doing.
Her mental approach:
• Focused on her process, not the competition
• Drew on past pressure situations (Augusta National Women’s Amateur win)
• As she said, “That was the biggest tournament I played in at the time and was kind of my big win. So definitely felt the pressure of it more there, and I felt like all those experiences helped me with this”
Her physical execution:
• 270-yard drives (nothing flashy)
• Methodical iron play
• Steady putting
• Everything effective, nothing spectacular
ACTION ITEM: Create a yardage book for your home course. Know your distances to every pin, every hazard, every landing area. Stick to your plan no matter what your playing partners are doing.
Mental Toughness Isn’t Born, It’s Built
The most impressive part of Woad’s win? She genuinely didn’t expect it: “I definitely wasn’t expecting to win my first event as a pro, but I knew I was playing well, and I was hoping to contend.”
Her winning mindset:
• Didn’t put winning pressure on herself
• Focused on playing well and contending
• Made winning a byproduct of a good process
• Built confidence through recent experiences:
- Won the Women’s Irish Open as an amateur
- Missed a playoff by one shot at the Evian Championship
- Each experience prepared her for the next
What this means for you:
• Stop trying to shoot career rounds every time you tee up
• Focus on executing your pre-shot routine
• Commit to every shot
• Stay present in the moment
ACTION ITEM: Before each round, set process goals instead of score goals. Example: “I will take three practice swings before every shot” or “I will pick a specific target for every shot.” Let your score be the result, not the focus.
The Real Lesson
Woad collected $300,000 for her first professional victory, but the real prize was proving that fundamentals still work at golf’s highest level. She didn’t reinvent the game — she simply executed the basics better than everyone else that week.
The fundamentals that won:
• Hit more fairways
• Find more greens
• Make the putts you should make
• Stay patient under pressure
That’s something every golfer can do, regardless of handicap. Lottie Woad just showed us it’s still the winning formula.
FINAL ACTION ITEM: Pick one of the four action items above and commit to it for the next month. Master one fundamental before moving to the next. That’s how champions are built.
PGA Professional Brendon Elliott is an award-winning coach and golf writer. You can check out his writing work and learn more about him by visiting BEAGOLFER.golf and OneMoreRollGolf.com. Also, check out “The Starter” on RG.org each Monday.
Editor’s note: Brendon shares his nearly 30 years of experience in the game with GolfWRX readers through his ongoing tip series. He looks forward to providing valuable insights and advice to help golfers improve their game. Stay tuned for more Tips!
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Progolfer
Mar 10, 2015 at 10:46 pm
I completely agree with everything Dr. Gupta has written on this site. He essentially advocates playing this sport for the pure love and joy of it (and also, living this life for the pure love and joy of it as well). I believe this article deals with negative emotions, and in assuming that, he’s 100% correct. Attempting to change the outside without changing the inside is futile.
Marc
Mar 10, 2015 at 5:41 pm
Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga glunga… gunga, gunga galunga. It fits the tripe you write with every article. Please do us all a favor… go back to spending all of your valuable time with high profile clients and don’t waste it on us that don’t get it. Please!
farmer
Mar 10, 2015 at 11:17 am
What this guy seems to be saying is that it is acceptable, even desirable, for a player to throw a tantrum on the golf course when he gets mad. Try that when you get pulled over for speeding. Pseudo Eastern mysticism, pop physcology gone bad.
BD57
Mar 10, 2015 at 5:42 pm
No, what he’s saying is (1) performance depends on how you deal with your emotions, not on whether others can discern what emotions you’re experiencing based on your behavior, and (2) right now, we’re teaching people to put on a pretty face when they’re upset, rather than teaching them how to deal with being upset.
Neige
Mar 9, 2015 at 9:53 pm
In North America people like cool demeanor. After living here for almost 20 years I like it, too. However, it’s refreshing to watch people who are very natural. A lot of people are like zombies it seems – managing their reactions too much.
Ben
Mar 9, 2015 at 1:29 pm
What we’re really talking about here is emotional intelligence. I wrote a paper about this in college. It’s not about hiding, masking or covering up your emotions rather changing how you interpret outside influences and being mindful of your reaction. Once you are aware of emotional triggers you can choose how you react perhaps by altering your perspective.
Marknado
Mar 7, 2015 at 11:30 am
Outbursts like throwing clubs and cursing lowers stress level but anger lowers iq ….
It’s a catch 22
I’d say stay calm and address the problem and try to solve it but when all else fails
Whatever feels good at the time, do it
shimmy
Mar 7, 2015 at 11:25 am
I don’t know about your kid(s)…
with mine things come naturally, but the ONLY way they leave is when his emotions are managed, whether that be through my acceptance of what he’s going through or his getting worn out from learning that whining won’t get him anything.
WRX, why are you posting articles by these under-qualified performance gurus?
Martin
Mar 7, 2015 at 8:46 am
Stupid article, I am a hothead by nature.
As I have matured, I have learned to manage my emotions in my personal life, work life and on the Golf course and I am better at all three for it.
The stupid part of the article is without learning to manage them on the inside, you can’t control them on the outside.
Why is this posted on a golf website at all.
Marknado
Mar 7, 2015 at 11:25 am
what happens when the wife burns supper
Martin
Mar 7, 2015 at 9:12 pm
Nothing, I do all the cooking.
I am a Hothead by nature, but long ago stopped actually being one.
It’s called maturity…grin
SRSLY
Mar 7, 2015 at 7:29 am
Ignore my previous comment, answered my own questions by visiting this guys site. He mentions disagreeing with modern psychology.
So I’m guessing your MD isn’t in psychology? The only doctor I could find online with your name is a gastroenterologist.
Care to share some truths?
SRSLY
Mar 7, 2015 at 7:20 am
Couple questions:
1. Has forcing a smile or laugh not been scientifically proven to improve mood? Why wouldn’t forcing a calm demeanor?
2. How can you honestly suggest breaking clubs and throwing a tantrum in a game of honor and respect?
3. Do your statements have any scientific backing in the field of psychology? Or are we simply taking “normal” psychology and jazzing it up with buzzwords to sell it to the field of golf athletes?
4. One of these questions is rhetorical. See if you can figure out which one?
shimmy
Mar 7, 2015 at 11:25 am
This may be the perfect reply to this article.
J
Mar 6, 2015 at 7:55 pm
Bah, more of the same statements. Your articles all have the same smell. Good or bad it’s up to each person to decide, but it’s all the same to me.