Opinion & Analysis
Parents, get out of the way and let them play golf!
In my work, I see a lot of games, a lot of athletes and a lot of interesting coach and parent behavior. The last one is the topic of this story, because parent behavior is a critical piece in how much young players enjoy golf … and how long they keep playing.
The sad reality is that the majority of young athletes, including young golfers, drop out of competitive sports by the time they reach the age of 14. A study from the National Alliance of Sports tells us that more than 70 percent of young athletes leave competitive sports by that age. Why? It has nothing to do with the game. It likely isn’t the competition, the work involved or the effort required, either. Instead, it is the young people’s greatest fans, their parents — and sometimes their coaches — who take the fun away and make the experience of sports too complicated for the child to enjoy.
Instead of the pure joy of playing and achieving, young golfers get bogged down by heavy expectations, the pressure to win, and other complications introduced by the very adults who are most invested in them playing the sport. This may not be you, but for the sake of organized youth sports, please read on. And if you agree with what’s written, pass this story on.
Egos Run Amok
I’ve run a number of sessions on high performance for young golfers recently; a hot topic is always pressure and how young golfers handle it. Part of the complication is that mom and/or dad are often the biggest source of pressure. They create expectations that might be difficult to reach, and over time, that sucks the fun out of the game for their kids.
Is it really about the kids or the parents’ egos? The kids, with their $300 shoes, top-of-the-line equipment, and bag full of Pro Vs look like mini-professionals, one step from the tour. What starts out as a desire to have their kids be active and play their parent’s favorite game can sometimes shift into something else. Motives change, and often not for the better.
Do You Have a Frustration Gap?
Many parents see their child on the course or the practice tee as what they’d like their child to be, and not what their child actually is. I call this the Frustration Gap. Parents watch their kids perform and the frustration builds … and builds … and builds as the parent waits for the child to reach the performance level the parent hopes to see.
While this frustration is not much fun for the parent, it is less fun for the child, who is constantly trying to live up to the parent’s expectations. Usually, those expectations are unrealistic, and not in line with the child’s abilities or motivations. This tension is a performance crusher, and can lead a child in the wrong direction – sometimes out of the game for good.
The Mini-Van Golf Prison
Is your vehicle a Mini-Van Golf Prison, a place your child is trapped as you express your frustration with his or her performance? While most parents have good intentions for these chats, their budding professional becomes the target for all sorts of emotions felt by the parent while watching their child and expecting more.
What happened out there today? You looked tired… was that it? I’ve seen you play so much better than you did today. What’s wrong?
These questions and comments can begin a spiral of frustration between a young golfer and parent. And unfortunately, these opening lines often lead to deeper criticisms and questions resulting from the parent’s frustration. I really wish I could measure how much confidence the mini-van prison syndrome has destroyed in young players. All I know is it’s a problem, and awareness of your own car rides after the round is something to consider.
Some Ideas to Help
To help you and your young golfer avoid the Frustration Gap and the Mini-Van Prison, and keep them enjoying the game, here are a few ideas to consider.
1. Step back emotionally. Don’t forget this is your child’s life and experience. One of the joys of being a parent is guiding your child through life and enjoying their successes, but it can be taken too far. If you become obsessed with your child’s performance, and find yourself placing unrealistic expectations on them, you need to take a step back.
2. Make car rides positive experiences. Don’t talk about the game in the car. Let the child initiate any conversation related to the game. If they want to share, they will. And make sure to let the child know you are their biggest supporter, and will be there for them whether they win or lose; play well or make mistakes.
3. Praise achievement. Don’t be critical or instructive. Learn to praise achievement and not focus on your child’s limitations. Make sure the child knows you are proud of a great shot, round and attitude.
4. Focus on process and effort. Don’t be too results-oriented. Your priority for your child needs to be that they feel good about themselves and are happy so that they are motivated to play again tomorrow.
5. Let your young golfer do what is right for them now. Don’t push the child based on your desires. Encouraging your child is great, but don’t cross the line and push your child further than he or she wants to go right now.
6. Let coaches coach! Don’t be both the parent and coach. Coaching and instruction both from parents and coaches confuses the child and has little positive impact.
7. Adjust your expectations. Don’t allow your frustration to build. Letting your Frustration Gap build is not helpful for you or the child. A parent who bottles up frustration becomes a ticking time bomb, waiting for an opportunity for the frustration to become uncorked.
8. Every child makes mistakes! Don’t hyper-focus on your child. Parents put their own children under a microscope, and live and die by each movement the child makes. This hyper-focus on your own child — watching their every move — creates a lack of perspective relative to the other kids on the course, and in the game in general.
If your child is one of the chosen few who are talented enough to play college golf, or even make their way into the professional ranks, great. But 99.9 percent of kids won’t go on to do these things. The important thing is to set the table early for these young players to enjoy what is the best game in the world … for a lifetime.
Opinion & Analysis
Brandel Chamblee PGA Championship Q&A: Rose’s huge McLaren risk, distracted LIV pros and why Aronimink suits the bombers
PGA Championship week is here, and Brandel Chamblee did not hold back in our latest discussion ahead of the season’s second major.
In our 2026 PGA Championship Q&A, golf’s leading analyst made the case that PIF pulling LIV’s funding has left its players competing in a state of confusion, called Justin Rose’s mid-season equipment switch a huge risk at 45, and explained why Aronimink will be a bombers’ delight this week.
Check out the full Q&A below.
Gianni: With the PIF confirming that they’re pulling funding from LIV at the end of the season, what impact do you expect that to have on the LIV players competing at the PGA Championship?
Brandel: I would imagine that they have all been thrown into a state of confusion, and will be distracted, not knowing where they are going to play next year and not knowing exactly their road back to either the DP World Tour or the PGA Tour. Or in Rahm’s case, being tied to a sinking ship for the next few years, likely playing for pennies on the dollar in events that no one cares about or watches.
I doubt this would put him in the best frame of mind to compete at his highest level. Keeping in mind, however, that majors are the only time that LIV disciples get to play in events that matter, so never disregard the motivation they have to prove to the world they are still relevant.
Gianni: Justin Rose switched to McLaren Golf equipment mid-season while playing some of the best golf of his career. What do you make of the change?
Brandel: I don’t really know what to make of Rose switching equipment. It seems a huge risk on his part, even though it is likely, in my opinion, that the clubs he’s playing are similar, if not the exact grinds, to what he was playing previously, with a McLaren stamp on them.
Having said that, at best, it is a distraction when he seemed to be as dialed in with his game as any 45-year-old could be and trending in the majors to perhaps do something that would definitely put him in the Hall of Fame. At worst, given the possibility that these clubs aren’t just duplicates of his old set stamped with McLaren on them, he’s made an equipment change that would take time, and 45-year-old athletes don’t have the time to do such things.
Gianni: Aronimink has only hosted a handful of professional events since it hosted the 1962 PGA Championship. What kind of test does it present, and does a course with less recent major championship history tend to level the playing field?
Brandel: Even though Aronimink has only hosted a handful of meaningful professional events, it has been fairly discerning in who can win there. When Keegan Bradley won the BMW Championship on the Donald Ross masterpiece in 2018, he was the 2nd best iron player on tour coming into that week. When Nick Watney won the AT&T at Aronimink in 2011, he was 2nd in strokes gained total coming into the week.
In 2020, Aronimink hosted the KPMG Championship, and Sei Young Kim won. On the LPGA that year, she was first in greens in regulation, putts per green in regulation, and scoring average on the way to being the LPGA player of the year. And then there is the 1962 PGA Championship won by Gary Player, who eventually became just one of a few players to win the career grand slam on the way to winning 9 majors. It is a formidable test, and if it’s not softened by rain, it will bring out the best in the upper echelons of the game.
Gianni: Is there a specific hole at Aronimink that you think will do the most to decide the winner?
Brandel: The hardest hole at Aronimink in each of the three tour events that have been played there since 2010 has been the long par-3 8th hole, with the par-4 10th being the second hardest, so most of the carnage will happen around the turn, but with the par-5 16th offering opportunities for bold plays and the tough closing holes at 17 and 18, the finish is likely to be frenetic.
Gianni: The PGA Championship has always sat in the shadow of the other majors. What does the ideal PGA Championship look like in your eyes, and what would it take for it to carve out its own identity?
Brandel: The PGA Championship, to whatever degree it suffers from the comparison to the other three majors, is still counted just as much when adding them up at the end of one’s career. Almost 1/3 of Nicklaus’ major wins were the five PGA Championships he won. Walter Hagen won 11 majors, five of which were PGA Championships.
Tiger Woods twice in his career won back-to-back PGA Championships, and those four majors count just as much as the other 11 he won. The PGA may not have the prestige of the other three, but it carries the same weight. Having said that, I preferred the identity that it had as the last major of the year.
Gianni: You nailed your Masters picks. Rory won, Scottie finished solo second, and Morikawa surged to a tie for seventh. Who are your top 3 picks for the PGA Championship and why?
Brandel: I am not a huge fan of majors played on golf courses that have been shorn of most of the trees, although I understand some of the agronomic reasons for doing so and of course the ease with which it allows members to play after errant drives. However, at the highest level, it all but eliminates any strategy off the tee and turns professional golf into an even bigger slugfest. That means that it will likely be a bomber’s delight this week, but fortunately, Scottie Scheffler is long enough to play that game and straight enough to play it better than anyone else.
The major championships give us very few surprises anymore, going back to the beginning of 2012, so the last 57 majors played, the average world rank of the winners has been better than 15th in the world. So look at the highest ranked and longest drivers who are on form coming into the PGA Championship who also have great short games as the surrounds at Aronimink are very challenging. That’s Scottie Scheffler by a mile and then McIlroy and Cameron Young with a far bigger nod towards DeChambeau than I gave him at the Masters.
In this episode of the Club Junkie Podcast, we dive into one of the most interesting flatstick releases of the year with a full review of the new TaylorMade SYSTM 2 putters. After spending time on the greens, I break down what makes this design stand out, where it performs, and why it has me completely torn between loving it and fighting it. If you are into feel, alignment, and consistency, this is one you will want to hear about.
We also take a look at some of the putters in play on the PGA Tour last week. From familiar favorites to a few surprising setups, there is always something to learn from what the best players in the world are rolling with under pressure.
To wrap things up, I walk through the process of building a set of JP Golf Prime irons paired with Baddazz Gold Series shafts. From component selection to performance goals, this is a deep dive into what goes into creating a unique custom set and why this combo has been so intriguing.
This year my 50th birthday. Gosh, where has the time gone?
As a teenager in rural Missouri, some of my junior high and high school years felt interminable. Graduation seemed light years away. But the older I get, the faster life seems to fly by.
I’m also increasingly aware of my mortality. My dad died recently. Earlier this year, a friend and fellow PGA of America professional and I were texting about our next catch-up. The next message I received was news of his unexpected passing at 48. Shortly after, a woman I dated in college succumbed to cancer at 51.
Certainly, one can share perspective at any age. Seniors help freshmen, veterans guide rookies. But reaching this milestone feels like as good a time as any to do one of those “what would I tell my younger self?” articles.
I’ve had a uniquely varied career in golf. I started as a 27-year-old, average-length-hitting, 14-handicap computer engineer and somehow managed to turn pro before running out of money, constantly bootstrapping my way forward. I’ve won qualifiers and set venue records in the World Long Drive Championships, finished fifth at the Speedgolf World Championships, coached all skill levels as a PGA of America professional, built industry-leading swing speed training programs for Swing Man Golf, helped advance the single-length iron market with Sterling Irons®, caddied on the PGA TOUR and PGA TOUR Champions, and played about 300 courses across 32 countries.
It’s been a ride, and I’ve gone both deep and wide.
So while I can consult and advise from a lot of angles, let me keep it to a few things I’d tell the average golfer who wants to improve.
1. Think About What You Want
Everyone has their own reason for picking up a golf club.
Oddly, as a professional athlete, I’m not internally driven by competition. That can be challenging, as the industry currently prioritizes and incentivizes competition over the love of the game.
For me, I love walking and being outdoors. Nature helps balance my energy. I prefer courses that are integrated into the natural beauty of their surroundings. I’m comfortable practicing alone. I’m a deep thinker, and I genuinely enjoy investigating the game, using data and intuition to unearth unique, often innovative insights. I’m fortunate to be strong and athletic, so I appreciate the chance to engage with my abilities. Traveling feels adventurous. I could go on.
You don’t have to overthink it like I do. For you, it might be as simple as hitting balls to escape work, hanging out with friends, and playing loosely with the rules and the score.
The point is to give yourself permission to play for your own reasons, and let that be enough.
But if improvement is your goal, thinking about your destination—and when you want to get there—is important, because it dictates the steps you need to take. When I set out to go from a 14-handicap to the PGA TOUR as quickly as possible, the steps I needed were very different from those of a working golfer trying to break 90 in six months. That’s also different from someone who just wants a few peaceful hours outside each week, away from work or family.
None of these goals are better than the others, but each requires a different plan that you can work backward from.
2. There Are Lots of Things That Can Work
One of the challenges of golf is that, although there are rules for playing, there aren’t clear, industry-wide standards for how to best play the game. There’s a lot of gray area.
You might hear a top coach or trainer insist that a certain move is the best way to swing or train. Then you dig a bit deeper and, much to your confusion and frustration, another respected coach or trainer says something completely different. I don’t think anyone is trying to confuse you—at least I hope not. It’s just where the industry is right now.
You have to be careful with advice from tournament pros, too. They might be great at scoring, but they’re also human and sometimes just as susceptible as amateurs to believing things that don’t really move the needle. Tour players might describe what they feel, but that’s not always what they’re actually doing when assessed with technology.
I recently ran a test on my YouTube channel (which connects to my GolfWRX article “How to use your hands in the golf swing for power and accuracy”), and, interestingly, two of the most commonly taught hand actions produced the worst results in the test.
Coaches can certainly help. If you find someone you connect with to help navigate, that’s great. But there are many ways to get the ball in the hole. In the current landscape, you may need to seek multiple opinions, think critically, and use your own intuition to discern what seems true and whose advice resonates with you.
I’d recommend seeking someone who is open-minded and always learning, because things constantly change. Absolutes like “correct” or “proper” should raise a red flag. AI can be useful, but it tends to confidently repeat popular advice, so proceed with caution.
3. Get Custom Fit
If you’re serious about becoming a better player, getting custom fit is hugely important. There’s no sense fighting your equipment if you don’t have to. Most better players get fit these days and, if they don’t, they’re usually skilled enough to work around clubs that aren’t ideal.
If you plan to play for a long time, it’s worth spending a little more upfront to get something that truly fits you and your game, rather than continually buying and discarding equipment.
Equipment rules haven’t really changed significantly since the early 2000s. To stay in business, manufacturers keep pushing those limits. If you pull a bunch of clubs and balls off the rack and test them, you’ll find differences. I’ve tested two new drivers and seen a 30-yard total distance gap. Usually, the issue isn’t bad equipment; it’s that the combination of components simply isn’t the best fit.
It’s like wearing a new pair of floppy clown shoes. Sure, they’re shoes—but you won’t sprint your best in them compared to track shoes that fit perfectly.
Be wary of what’s called custom fitting, too. Sometimes the term is used as a marketing strategy rather than an actual fitting. In some retail settings, fitters may be incentivized to steer you toward higher-priced components. That doesn’t automatically mean it’s not the best fit, but you should be aware of potential biases.
I learned a version of this lesson outside of golf. Years ago, I bought a tennis racquet at a big box store from a seemingly knowledgeable employee who thought it would suit me best. The racquet gave me tennis elbow, and I spent months recovering with rest and acupuncture. The next season, I invested more time and money to find what actually fit me, and I walked away with something amazing that I still play with years later.
So if you’re going to get fit, be smart about it.
Find someone you believe has deep knowledge—possibly with certifications, but not necessarily. Make sure there’s a wide inventory across many brands. Check recent reviews for the individual fitter if possible. Make sure you trust that the fitter has your best interests at heart. If they’re wearing a hat or shirt with a specific brand’s logo, proceed with caution. Unless you specifically want a certain brand or look, be wary of upsells, especially if two options perform nearly the same.
Also, while golf is called a sport of integrity, there’s a thread of manipulation in the industry. I once drafted an equipment article for an industry magazine, structured just like one of their previous popular stories, with matching word count and great photos. The assistant editor loved it; it was useful to readers and required little work on his part. But the editor-in-chief nixed the story. When I asked why, I was told it was because I wasn’t an advertiser. It turned out the article I’d modeled mine after was a paid ad cleverly disguised as editorial content.
I really dislike games, clickbait, and fear-based manipulation. I hope this changes, but golfers deserve to know it exists.
4. Distance and Strategy Matter
There’s a real relationship between how far you hit the ball and your scoring average, even at the PGA TOUR level.
I experienced this early in my pro career. I started as a power hitter, swinging in the high 120s and breaking 200 mph ball speed with a stock driver.
Back then, some instructors advised swinging at 80%, so I tried slowing down for more accuracy. That worked fine on shorter, tighter courses. But on longer setups, I was coming into greens with too much club, and par 5s stopped being
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golfraven
Jun 3, 2016 at 4:07 pm
I usually step away when my 2.5 years old one starts to throw his clubs in the air. Danger especially when at home. Other then that I love to see him practice just out of his own will and just enjoy watching him do it. When I try to show him something he goes bananas so I rather don’t get involved as he knows best.
Armypilot84
Jun 2, 2016 at 8:21 am
I think this is a really interesting article. I completely agree with the idea of “getting out of the way” when it comes to a young child playing golf. Golf is an incredibly hard game that I truly believe in my heart that no one is naturally good at. You have to love the game in order to want to get better. I only take me 5 year old son to the range when he asks me to go, and while there I do not try to instruct his swing. We play games where he tries to hit targets. I have only taken him a handful of times to go play 9 with me in the evenings and when we go I have a strict “No Frown” policy. I do not focus on his game at all, but his attitude. I give him one “mulligan” when it comes to throwing a fit or getting upset after hitting a bad shot. After that we go home if he does it again. It sucks wasting the $40+ in greens fees after only 2-3 holes, but it seems to have kept him yearning to play more. I just want him to have fun putting the ball in the hole because that is what the game is all about. I don’t care how it gets there.
John Haime
Jun 2, 2016 at 1:07 pm
Thanks for sharing your experience. Nice approach you have. Some fundamental instruction combined with allowing the young player to take ownership of the experience should lead to fun and great results.
Dr. Dormie
Jun 1, 2016 at 1:26 pm
John, your advice for dealing with the interfering, hovering parent of juniors is sound. I watch it all the time at a local range where mothers and fathers can’t let the kid practice without cleaning his/her clubs, teeing up the ball, taking videos, and playing the part of a coach in instructing. It is oppressive in its smothering of the child and makes the game way too serious at way too young an age.
In terms of your qualifications, please be sure you do not represent or insinuate you are credentialed, educated, trained or licensed as a psychologist in your articles or website. Being inspired by Daniel Goleman and his concept of “emotional intelligence” is just one small part of the pie. I say this as a clinical and sport psychologist who has been in practice for 40 years.
John Haime
Jun 1, 2016 at 2:39 pm
Hi Dr. Dormie,
Thanks so much for your comments on the article – much appreciated.
And, thanks for the advice and placing me a convenient little box LOL.
FYI – respectfully, sport psychology is a very small piece of working with athletes and high performance. I use some basic principles that are widely available to all, but getting sustainable results with athletes and performers reaches far beyond the narrow reach of traditional sport psychology. Psychology is about fixing problems, I build and develop athletes, performers and people – very different approaches.
My client list, including some of the world’s leading athletes, suggests that I probably know what I’m doing. It probably extends beyond inspiration from Dan Goleman (:
Dr. Dormie
Jun 1, 2016 at 8:46 pm
John, I did not place you in a “box.” I simply asked you to be careful in how you represent yourself. Your comments about sport psychologists are inaccurate. You say “psychology is about fixing problems.” When it comes to sport psychology, this couldn’t be further from the truth. Clinical psychology is about fixing problems–not sport psychology. Ask any respected golf psychologist if what he’s/she’s doing is “fixing problems.” You sound a bit defensive, referring to your client list, but I guess “giving you advice” was asking for some defensiveness. So, I won’t pursue this any further.
John Haime
Jun 2, 2016 at 9:22 am
thanks Dr. Dorrie.
I don’t feel the response is a defensive one – but when someone questions my abilities to do what I do – I like to respond and explain. The idea here is to comment on the article – not on the abilities or credentials of the writer.
I refer to my client list and results only to point out that’s all that really counts in the real world. Credentials get your foot in the door – but then you must prove you can actually help people and get results. I hire sports psyches and many find it difficult to make the transition from the classroom to the locker room – they are night and day.
And, my point was clinical psychology is fixing problems. Working with athletes re High performance is coaching – identifying a gap and closing it. Traditional sport psychology can be one tool in closing that gap.
Hope you keep reading and commenting!! Would love to hear your ideas on helping athletes offline.
Cheers!
emerson boozer
Jun 1, 2016 at 4:34 am
Great article. I happen to practice the day of the junior close open. In the parking lot was kids and their drivers (no kidding) and/or dads getting out all their new gear and own pull carts, etc…
Then, the bus pulled up and all the kids who used the donated gear came running off yelling and screaming. The range was a zoo.
I compete with our junior club champ on our travelling team and he came over and said hello. I asked him wasn’t it great to be able to play with his friends? He said he had no friends and liked playing with me (i’m 35 years older). The sadness on his face. My heart broke.
He made full ride scholarship in the states and his father moved to the states off campus. I hate to think about it.
Jon
Jun 1, 2016 at 1:59 am
Thanks for the article. It’s very much along the lines of those I’ve read before about sports parents, and with golf in particular, falls into the “early specialization leads to burnout and hinders potential” genre. The issue I have (sorry!) is that these all start with the basic premise that kids drop out of sports by the time they are 14 because their parents were overbearing (“no fun”), or the kid is burned out from too much of one sport. But those conclusions, upon which the entire rest of the articles are built upon, are Never backed up with any evidence or data. In my experience with junior golf (going on roughly 20 years), I can’t think of Any competitive golfers (those who had some dedication to the game) who quit the sport for either of these reasons. The very few that I know of that did stop did so because they wanted to play a different sport or spend more time on their academics. As a lifelong athlete, my observation is just the opposite – the biggest reason kids, and adults, drop out of golf is because they suck at it….sucking is no fun, regardless of your age. Playing well is tons of fun, regardless of your age. Playing decent golf is hard. It’s one of those sports where parents often play a critical role in helping their kids not suck. Whether it’s through teaching them or making sure they get appropriate instruction. My take is that I’d like to see articles written from that perspective and help parents be better golf parents (and coaches if that is their chosen role in the relationship). In short, parents who dedicate the time and energy it takes to develop or support the development of a junior golfer should be celebrated, not ostracized, unless you have some actual peer reviewed data that proves otherwise. Telling parents to “Get Out of the Way” …not the best way to begin the conversation.
John Haime
Jun 1, 2016 at 1:30 pm
Thanks for the comments Jon – appreciated. Interesting experience you have with young golfers.
Give the National Sport Alliance a call and they will give you data and stats to support the numbers in the article. There are other youth sport groups that also have data.
I understand your thoughts. My experience, working with young athletes everyday is I often hear that “mom and dad put too much pressure on me and it’s not fun.” It’s more prevalent than you might think. Often parents have a blindspot – think they are not applying pressure – but they are in the view of the child. As soon as that anxiety creeps in to the child’s experience – other options become more attractive. Wondering if you ever talked to the kids and asked them the REAL reasons why they left? In the article I am primarily referring to competitive kids who have some (or their parents have) some ambition for them to attain a level in the game.
I completely agree that adults drop out of the game because of ability. That is an article for another day as many adults go in without a plan, have unrealistic expectations, underestimate the commitment needed to develop proficiency, get frustrated – and quit. But, in my experience, that is not the case with kids. If parents drop them off at the course and expose them to some good instruction, they typically become quite proficient at the game. As you know, kids pick up everything quicker than adults.
As mentioned in the article. Every parent does not short circuit the experience for kids. But, the article is written to create awareness for parents who do.
“Get out of the way” is direct, but the reality is the parents do get in the way of the experience. It’s important to ensure kids own their own sport experience and not have parental expectations and adult values hanging over them to prevent them from expressing themselves.
The conversation re: team sports is different and much more complicated.
Raven
Jun 1, 2016 at 5:22 pm
Brilliant article – I agree that overbearing parents can make things less fun and push some kids away, but how realistic is this as being a significant reason? I recall my old Japanese karate sensei saying that most people left a sport either as a beginner, or when they reached a level where they were ready to become really good (often in their mid to late teens). Both levels required an extra step up in effort and also filtered out those who were simply not able to progress further. That sensei was also considered an authority in his field. So are these parents actually pushing their kids away, or just making it more appealing to leave at a particular time? Respectfully I completely agree that positive reinforcement will help those who do pursue a sport to a highly skilled level, and I don’t think hyper-focussed parachute parents are good for any child’s life development. I do however see kids leaving at certain competitive levels regardless of parent frustration level.
John Haime
Jun 2, 2016 at 9:47 am
Nice comments Raven.
Yes, agree kids leave for a variety of reasons. But, sport has changed with highly competitive focuses in all sports. College scholarships and the huge opportunities have created a more hyper focus on results – by parents.
Karate etc. may be a bit different from the traditional sports as the “end game” in activities like Karate do not normally lead to large payoffs like traditional sports softening the push and ownership from parents.
Thanks again for the contribution to the conversation.
John Haime
Jun 1, 2016 at 2:51 pm
Hey Jon,
Thanks for the comments – great to get different perspectives.
A few thoughts …
Give National Sport Alliance a call and you can gather the data. There are also other sources that the NSA can recommend.
“Get out of the way” is direct – but exactly what parents must do to allow the kids to own their sport experience and fully express themselves. Parents do “get in the way” of the experience and take ownership themselves.
Just wondering if you have talked to the kids and understood the REAL reasons they are leaving? Other sports and academics are convenient reasons and acceptable – but I think if you really spoke to the kids – you might find something different.
Agree – adults quit because they find it too hard. They often don’t have a plan, expectations are too high, don’t realize the time commitment, get frustrated and may quit. But, kids pick it up easily – and if they have good coaching – I don’t see them leaving because it is too difficult.
thanks again.
Snoopy
May 31, 2016 at 3:21 pm
This is the most unshankable article around. Something great I’ve realized totally outside the context of competitive sports is that good performance can come with hard work, but GREAT performance comes when the work feels like fun. If you’re not having fun on the golf course, parent or player, you should probably find something more productive to do with your time.
John Haime
May 31, 2016 at 4:44 pm
Great comment Snoopy – exactly right. Enjoyment and passion are absolute requirements for great and sustainable performance.
Thanks for contributing!
Alan
May 31, 2016 at 1:13 am
Great article. As a parent myself of 2 young boys who play golf I see this happening a lot. I’ve had to learn to step away and let them get on with it without them worrying what my reaction will be as a result of a bad score or shot! Let them enjoy it and let them have the freedom to keep playing and enjoy themselves on the course!
John Haime
May 31, 2016 at 9:26 am
Great approach Alan – I expect the boys will be playing for awhile!
Bernard
May 30, 2016 at 7:14 pm
I have a son who plays AAU basketball, a lot of what is written here I wholeheartedly agree with. When my son is at practice, I hit the local range to work on golf, so I am there, 5-6 hours a week. I have seen several parent/kid sessions, where at practice the “adult” is hyper coaching and even berating a young kid. In all cases the kid looks miserable. When the fun is gone, the kid will follow it off the the course. I have expectations as a parent, they are work hard and have fun, I try to maintain those twin goals without alienating my child with result based expectations. Feed their passion, do not kill it with trophy dreams. The prize is a well adjusted kid who feels loved.
John Haime
May 31, 2016 at 2:56 pm
Yes – excellent comment Bernard – the article is transferable to all sports. I work in many sports now and see the behavior in all sports. Your last line really is the goal – hoping they also learn lessons from the games that are transferable later on.
Thanks!
8thehardway
May 30, 2016 at 9:37 am
Don’t tell me how to manage my 9 y/o protege, she & I hustled my friends for 350 last weekend and it woulda been double if she made that last putt, but she’s developing the yips; she has got to learn to cope with cigar smoke and swearing if she’s gonna make competitive golf her life.
Instead of listening to this garbage I subscribed to Byung-holio Wei’s newletter – expensive, he’s got the right perspective and I’m gonna spring for a brace for her blown out knee and some Adderall; Byung thinks they don’t drug test kids under 12 so that’s 3 more years of smooth sailing until I sign her up for the men’s John Deere Classic, and if she wins the tractor-pull and the golf tournament all the time I spent as her daddy/caddy, coach and manager will be worth it.
John Haime
May 31, 2016 at 9:23 am
Very good!
KK
May 30, 2016 at 12:37 am
These parents are the definition of arrogance. If the kid is trying, that’s all you can ask. If the kid isn’t, he/she shouldn’t be playing anyway.
WolfWRX
May 29, 2016 at 9:08 pm
Great article. I need to print this off and pin it on my fridge as a reminder to myself. Thank you.
Nick
May 29, 2016 at 6:58 pm
Good advice- interestingly the best female golfers I work with are the ones this article is written towards.
Best for the masses might not be best for the best.
I also have doubts that this is the reason why 70% of kids stop playing organized sport. I stopped playing hockey and my parents were great. You don’t have to hate your parents to have other interests
Nick
May 29, 2016 at 6:52 pm
There is some good advice here- interestingly the best female golfers I work with are the ones this article is written at.
Best for the masses might not be best for the best.
I also have doubts that this is the reason why 70% of kids stop playing organized sport. I stopped playing hockey and my parents were great. You don’t have to hate your parents to have other interests
John Haime
May 30, 2016 at 2:17 pm
Thanks for the comment Nick – good ones. Agree many parents are great and provide a nice environment for the kids to enjoy sports. And, there are many different reasons why kids move away from competitive sports – but when they stop having fun and get tired of the adult values – they are much quicker to turn their heads in other directions. Unfortunately, today, there is a likelihood that the parents own the kids’ sport experience – and not the kids who are playing them.
CD
May 29, 2016 at 2:34 pm
“but we want to keep them playing so it becomes a lifetime interest and passion.”
Why do we???? And if we want them to, and not them want to; then you’ve lost ‘your’ goal before you’ve started anyway.
If people are really doing the points you listed above, don’t be surprised when little Jimmy discovers girls and motorbikes. Or gets a career. Or simply doesn’t want to hang around with dad who is playing a deeply uncool game.
Having to consider, or reconsider any of these points says everything about the parent than the child. This is written in a competitive context; so it’s the parent that has the ego, the insecurity they were never good enough; and is trying to live their thwarted – and unrealistic – dreams vicariously. It’s just about the most selfish thing you can do; try and restrict someone’s freedom of choice and liberty.
John Haime
May 30, 2016 at 2:01 pm
Hey CD – thanks for the comments …
Understand what you are saying.
I think, simply, the goal is to give the kids the opportunity to fall in love with the game – and continue to pursue it. We all know the benefits of the game – and introducing adult values too early in the process can discourage kids away from the game. Agree, kids will leave the game for a variety of reasons, but there’s a much better chance they’ll keep playing if they own it themselves, they have fun and we allow them to discover the many benefits.
M smizzy
May 28, 2016 at 5:08 pm
Italian sparkeling water with lime twist, Truffle fries cooked in duck fat, and a Kobe burger medium?
Forsbrand
May 28, 2016 at 1:06 pm
I have watched some quite disgusting parents at junior coaching “Come on Caleb show them your Tiger stinger”. Yeh he’s 8 years old can barely swing the club!! Absolute mug of a parent and often a high handicapper trying to relive his youth through his child. T
HE sort of guy you just wanna grab and shake!!
Also you’ve got the father that always plays golf with his son in competitions, you know marks his card and low and behold the teenager shoots a super low score, 4 shots lower than the club champion could possibly shoot, yes folks the Magic Marker Brigade! They’ll do anything to get there son noticed / handicap down so they get in that college team.
Leave kids alone, let them develop naturally, don’t force the issue, they might just be happy playing to a 28 handicap casually having fun!
bart
May 28, 2016 at 12:00 pm
You’ve missed one big reason when diagnosing the “problem” of why kids leave sports in their teens: some kids would rather do something else. Music, art, culture, reading, work, being with friends, enjoying nature- there is so much else to do other than chase a ball around.
So maybe the problem is that you think there is a problem with kids not playing sports?
John Haime
May 28, 2016 at 1:01 pm
Thanks Bart – agreed.
But, I think you’ve missed part of the point of the article.
If the kids are playing – there’s no reason why we can’t keep them playing with the right motivations. Kids want to have fun and they turn to the things you mention because often they are frustrated with golf/sport – it’s not fun anymore.
Agree there are lots of things to do – but to keep kids playing – we have to provide the great environment. I think it’s great to encourage other interests – but we want to keep them playing so it becomes a lifetime interest and passion.
Thanks for the comment!!
Rb
May 29, 2016 at 10:34 am
How about this: if the kids are good at it, they’ll play anyway. If they feel they’re good at something else and want to do that other thing – then the Parent is a douche for pushing it on the kid in all the wrong ways.
M smizzy
May 28, 2016 at 11:57 am
Excellent article. Focusing on the positives and building a long term appreciation of the game and its ability to build
Character and etiquette should be first priority for the youngsters. My best experiences have been whacking it around with friends and just enjoying the game and fellowship. These have also been some of my best rounds. Respect the challenges of
The game.
John Haime
May 28, 2016 at 1:05 pm
Great comments smizzy – your point about the challenges of the game is a great one. So much to learn from golf – so we want to keep kids in the game and learn those lessons.
I am all for encouraging kids to do other things and be well rounded – but pushing them out of the game at an early age really subtracts something that can bring them joy and value over a lifetime.
Bert
May 29, 2016 at 8:18 am
Great comments – I enjoy seeing kids playing golf with other kids.
Just recently watched the NCAA Women’s National Championship and all I could think about was the coaches interfering with play. I kept thinking, “get the heck out of there and let the girl putt.” Coaches and parents are good for the sport as teachers, motivators and hopefully mentors, but when it comes time to play, let them play.