Opinion & Analysis
How To Golf With Strangers And Leave With Friends
Several years back I was playing golf in Hilton Head while on my college spring break. My girlfriend at the time (now my wife) was enjoying a day at the spa, and I snuck over to play Hilton Head National, which I’d saved up for a few months to play. I booked a tee time for around 10 a.m. and did not have a playing partner.
When I arrived at the clubhouse, the pro said he’d pair me with a group of three couples. He told me the women were going to play together and the men were going to play separate and that I could join the men. “Perfect,” I told him.
My new group and I made our way over to the first tee, and I was riding with the oldest man in the group. As he drove the cart from the opening tee box to find his ball, he began asking me about myself. I told him I was on vacation with my girlfriend and she was enjoying her day in the spa. When I told him I was from Kentucky, he gave me a glare that sort of inflicted fear. Then he tipped his sunglasses to the bridge of his nose and looked at me for what seemed like 10 minutes. Then he grinned and slid them back up.
“I’m from Chapel Hill,” he said. “And I help sponsor the golf team at UNC.” I laughed, and he got out to hit his shot.
A few holes later we were talking about the college experience and how I wished I could play more golf, but my grades couldn’t handle it. I hit my approach to the sixth or seventh hole, and when I got back in the cart, he reached his hand out for a handshake. When I shook his hand, I could feel a piece of paper. He held my hand for a moment, and he said, “You know, I like you, kid. I want you to take this and put it behind a picture of your girlfriend. That way, you’ll never be broke. When things get down, just take her to dinner.”
“Ok, I will,” I said. I didn’t look at the bill and stuck it in my pocket. When I got done with the round and made it to my car, I pulled it out of my pocket for the first time. It was a hundred dollar bill. I nearly cried.
As you read this article, know that I’m not saying you need to give everybody you meet on the golf course $100. What I am saying is that there’s a way to play this game with strangers and leave a positive lasting impression. Maybe you’ll even make a lifelong friend.
Here are five tips for turning strangers into friends on the course.
Make Small Talk Early
In 2012, I played a little nine-hole course outside of Tacoma, Washington, called American Lake Veterans Course. The course didn’t take tee times, and there were free golf balls for all who played. As my buddy and I waited in line at the first tee to begin play, two men approached the tee box. We stood off to the side as an older gentleman set up to the golf ball, and the other stood behind him, giving directions. “Little left, little more, little bit more. Alright, you’re good,” the navigator said.
Another man, who donned a straw hat, noticed our attention to the pair and walked over. The older gentleman hit a drive down the left side of the fairway and his partner picked up the tee.
“They are father and son,” the man in the straw hat told us. “The father is legally blind, even with glasses, and his son plays with him three times a week. He lines him up on every shot.” Talk about being flabbergasted.
Be nice and make small talk as soon as you have an opening. It doesn’t necessarily have to be on the first tee box, but if it is, it sets the mood quickly.
My buddy and I ended up playing with the man in the straw hat, and we had a blast. In that situation, we didn’t do anything other than reciprocating small talk, which is the key to getting off on the right foot with strangers.
Be nice and make small talk as soon as you have an opening. It doesn’t necessarily have to be on the first tee box, but if it is, it sets the mood quickly. In golf, there’s a good chance the small talk will take a more in-depth turn soon. Enjoy it, share your worldview if it comes up, but be polite.
If you’re a naturally quiet person, this is a time to try and get out of your shell. Golf is a game of vulnerability; take advantage of the time when you’re out in the open and foster these potential relationships. You never know when you’ll meet someone who sticks with you for years to come.
Avoid Gambling If Possible
You can find a $2 Nassau at most any golf course on a Saturday morning. You’ll never know if the strangers in your group have a moral affliction to gambling, though, so avoid betting unless they bring it up. If they bring it up, and it’s something you’re comfortable with, feel free to join. You might lose a couple of bucks, but you might also break the ice instantly and become part of the group. Or at least it will open it up for more conversation, which is the ultimate goal.
If you do land yourself in a bet, don’t settle the score on the 18th green. It slows down the clearing of the green for the group behind you, and the main thing on the last green should be hand shaking and pleasantries. Pay up in the parking lot. If you win the bet, don’t ask for the money; if they forget, let it go. It’s only a couple bucks. If you lose, pay promptly before loading your bag to leave.
Be Relaxed With The Rules
We all have that friend who starts a stopwatch when you begin looking for a stray tee shot. If you’re that guy, don’t be… at least when you’re playing with strangers. Friendly games are just that; they’re friendly. When you’re playing with strangers, nobody wants to be hassled about whether or not they can take one or two club lengths after an unplayable. Nobody wants to be told, “Hey, you’re supposed to play the ball as it lies” as they’re moving a ball off a root. The rules of golf are complicated, and while they’re currently under some review to remove some of that complexity, it’s easy for situations to become unnecessarily convoluted on the golf course.
If you’re playing with a group of strangers and someone asks your opinion on a rules situation they are in, be honest, but don’t hold their feet to the fire. They are likely seeking your honest opinion, but they don’t need someone to cite the rule for them. Just tell them how you’d play it if you were playing by yourself and move on. A good way to approach rules situations with strangers is never giving your opinion unsolicited.
Control Your Emotions
I have played Chambers Bay twice. Both times were amazing. The first time I played my buddy and I took a caddie, which was a great choice. As we made our way to the first tee, the starter informed us we’d be playing with two other guys who played Chambers a lot. We approached the tee and shook hands with them. It was immediately strange because they were sharing a bag.
At that moment it became clear to us that the clubs belonged to the player who had not thrown the club.
We didn’t think much of it because it wasn’t our business, and they seemed nice enough. The front nine started fine as my buddy and I had an internal match and the other guys sort of did their own thing. On the fourth tee box, one of the other guys in the group hit a tee shot, topping it about 10 feet in front of him. He looked around and put another ball down. He topped the second ball, too, and out of nowhere threw the driver about 50 feet to the side of the tee box. Everybody froze. Our caddies just looked at us and made that I-have-no-idea-what-to-do face.
At that moment it became clear that the clubs belonged to the player who had not thrown the club. The two men got into an argument right there on the tee box. All these years later, it’s funny, but we did not leave the 18th green as friends with those guys.
Control your emotions if you tend to be a hot head on the golf course. The people you’re playing with don’t need to see you throwing clubs or dropping “F” bombs. Relax and enjoy the company.
Be Authentic
It’s easy to try and be something you’re not when you think you’ll never see someone again. It’s not a knock on your character; it’s human nature. But if you’re the kind of person who likes to make friends on the golf course, then the quickest way to do that is to be yourself. I’ve played golf with a lot of people in the last 10 years. Like most people, I can tell when someone isn’t being genuine. It’s not only annoying, but it’s uncomfortable. Not everyone will be your best friend, but you’ll never know if you’ve ruined the chance at a great friendship if you try and be someone you’re not.
—
With the heart of the golf season approaching soon, there will be a lot of folks crowding up tee times in the next few weeks. I’m sure you’ve already got your local games lined up with the people you pick on constantly, but if you find yourself out and about with a last-minute tee time, make the most of those people you’ve never met before. You never know if one of them could be someone that changes your life.
As the editor-in-chief of this website and an observer of the GolfWRX forums and other online golf equipment discourse for over a decade, I’m pretty well attuned to the grunts and grumbles of a significant portion of the golf equipment purchasing spectrum. And before you accuse me of lording above all in some digital ivory tower, I’d like to offer that I worked at golf courses (public and private) for years prior to picking up my pen, so I’m well-versed in the non-degenerate golf equipment consumers out there. I touched (green)grass (retail)!
Complaints about the ills of and related to the OEMs usually follow some version of: Product cycles are too short for real innovation, tour equipment isn’t the same as retail (which is largely not true, by the way), too much is invested in marketing and not enough in R&D, top staffer X hasn’t even put the new driver in play, so it’s obviously not superior to the previous generation, prices are too high, and on and on.
Without digging into the merits of any of these claims, which I believe are mostly red herrings, I’d like to bring into view of our rangefinder what I believe to be the two primary difficulties golf equipment companies face.
One: As Terry Koehler, back when he was the CEO of Ben Hogan, told me at the time of the Ft Worth irons launch, if you can’t regularly hit the golf ball in a coin-sized area in the middle of the face, there’s not a ton that iron technology can do for you. Now, this is less true now with respect to irons than when he said it, and is less and less true by degrees as the clubs get larger (utilities, fairways, hybrids, drivers), but there remains a great deal of golf equipment truth in that statement. Think about it — which is to say, in TL;DR fashion, get lessons from a qualified instructor who will teach you about the fundamentals of repeatable impact and how the golf swing works, not just offer band-aid fixes. If you can’t repeatably deliver the golf club to the golf ball in something resembling the manner it was designed for, how can you expect to be getting the most out of the club — put another way, the maximum value from your investment?
Similarly, game improvement equipment can only improve your game if you game it. In other words, get fit for the clubs you ought to be playing rather than filling the bag with the ones you wish you could hit or used to be able to hit. Of course, don’t do this if you don’t care about performance and just want to hit a forged blade while playing off an 18 handicap. That’s absolutely fine. There were plenty of members in clubs back in the day playing Hogan Apex or Mizuno MP-32 irons who had no business doing so from a ballstriking standpoint, but they enjoyed their look, feel, and complementary qualities to their Gatsby hats and cashmere sweaters. Do what brings you a measure of joy in this maddening game.
Now, the second issue. This is not a plea for non-conforming equipment; rather, it is a statement of fact. USGA/R&A limits on every facet of golf equipment are detrimental to golf equipment manufacturers. Sure, you know this, but do you think about it as it applies to almost every element of equipment? A 500cc driver would be inherently more forgiving than a 460cc, as one with a COR measurement in excess of 0.83. 50-inch shafts. Box grooves. And on and on.
Would fewer regulations be objectively bad for the game? Would this erode its soul? Fortunately, that’s beside the point of this exercise, which is merely to point out the facts. The fact, in this case, is that equipment restrictions and regulations are the slaughterbench of an abundance of innovation in the golf equipment space. Is this for the best? Well, now I’ve asked the question twice and might as well give a partial response, I guess my answer to that would be, “It depends on what type of golf you’re playing and who you’re playing it with.”
For my part, I don’t mind embarrassing myself with vintage blades and persimmons chasing after the quasi-spiritual elevation of a well-struck shot, but that’s just me. Plenty of folks don’t give a damn if their grooves are conforming. Plenty of folks think the folks in Liberty Corner ought to add a prison to the museum for such offences. And those are just a few of the considerations for the amateur game — which doesn’t get inside the gallery ropes of the pro game…
Different strokes in the game of golf, in my humble opinion.
Anyway, I believe equipment company engineers are genuinely trying to build better equipment year over year. The marketing departments are trying to find ways to make this equipment appeal to the broadest segment of the golf market possible. All of this against (1) the backdrop of — at least for now — firm product cycles. And golfers who, with their ~15 average handicap (men), for the most part, are not striping the golf ball like Tiger in his prime and seem to have less and less time year over year to practice and improve. (2) Regulations that massively restrict what they’re able to do…
That’s the landscape as I see it and the real headwinds for golf equipment companies. No doubt, there’s more I haven’t considered, but I think the previous is a better — and better faith — point of departure when formulating any serious commentary on the golf equipment world than some of the more cynical and conspiratorial takes I hear.
Agree? Disagree? Think I’m worthy of an Adam Hadwin-esque security guard tackle? Let me know in the comments.
@golfoncbs The infamous Adam Hadwin tackle ? #golf #fyp #canada #pgatour #adamhadwin ? Ghibli-style nostalgic waltz – MaSssuguMusic
Episode #16 brings us Cliff McKinney. Cliff is the founder of Old Charlie Golf Club, a new club, and concept, to be built in the Florida panhandle. The model is quite interesting and aims to make great, private golf more affordable. We hope you enjoy the show!
Last week, I came across a reel from BBC Sport on Instagram featuring Scottie Scheffler speaking to the media ahead of The Open at Royal Portrush. In it, he shared that he often wonders what the point is of wanting to win tournaments so badly — especially when he knows, deep down, that it doesn’t lead to a truly fulfilling life.
View this post on Instagram
“Is it great to be able to win tournaments and to accomplish the things I have in the game of golf? Yeah, it brings tears to my eyes just to think about it because I’ve literally worked my entire life to be good at this sport,” Scheffler said. “To have that kind of sense of accomplishment, I think, is a pretty cool feeling. To get to live out your dreams is very special, but at the end of the day, I’m not out here to inspire the next generation of golfers. I’m not out here to inspire someone to be the best player in the world, because what’s the point?”
Ironically — or perhaps perfectly — he went on to win the claret jug.
That question — what’s the point of winning? — cuts straight to the heart of the human journey.
As someone who’s spent over two decades in the trenches of professional golf, and in deep study of the mental, emotional, and spiritual dimensions of the game, I see Scottie’s inner conflict as a sign of soul evolution in motion.
I came to golf late. I wasn’t a junior standout or college All-American. At 27, I left a steady corporate job to see if I could be on the PGA Tour starting as a 14-handicap, average-length hitter. Over the years, my journey has been defined less by trophies and more by the relentless effort to navigate the deeply inequitable and gated system of professional golf — an effort that ultimately turned inward and helped me evolve as both a golfer and a person.
One perspective that helped me make sense of this inner dissonance around competition and our culture’s tendency to overvalue winning is the idea of soul evolution.
The University of Virginia’s Division of Perceptual Studies has done extensive research on reincarnation, and Netflix’s Surviving Death (Episode 6) explores the topic, too. Whether you take it literally or metaphorically, the idea that we’re on a long arc of growth — from beginner to sage elder — offers a profound perspective.
If you accept the premise literally, then terms like “young soul” and “old soul” start to hold meaning. However, even if we set the word “soul” aside, it’s easy to see that different levels of life experience produce different worldviews.
Newer souls — or people in earlier stages of their development — may be curious and kind but still lack discernment or depth. There is a naivety, and they don’t yet question as deeply, tending to see things in black and white, partly because certainty feels safer than confronting the unknown.
As we gain more experience, we begin to experiment. We test limits. We chase extreme external goals — sometimes at the expense of health, relationships, or inner peace — still operating from hunger, ambition, and the fragility of the ego.
It’s a necessary stage, but often a turbulent and unfulfilling one.
David Duval fell off the map after reaching World No. 1. Bubba Watson had his own “Is this it?” moment with his caddie, Ted Scott, after winning the Masters.
In Aaron Rodgers: Enigma, reflecting on his 2011 Super Bowl win, Rodgers said:
“Now I’ve accomplished the only thing that I really, really wanted to do in my life. Now what? I was like, ‘Did I aim at the wrong thing? Did I spend too much time thinking about stuff that ultimately doesn’t give you true happiness?’”
Jim Carrey once said, “I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.”
Eventually, though, something shifts.
We begin to see in shades of gray. Winning, dominating, accumulating—these pursuits lose their shine. The rewards feel more fleeting. Living in a constant state of fight-or-flight makes us feel alive, yes, but not happy and joyful.
Compassion begins to replace ambition. Love, presence, and gratitude become more fulfilling than status, profits, or trophies. We crave balance over burnout. Collaboration over competition. Meaning over metrics.
Interestingly, if we zoom out, we can apply this same model to nations and cultures. Countries, like people, have a collective “soul stage” made up of the individuals within them.
Take the United States, for example. I’d place it as a mid-level soul: highly competitive and deeply driven, but still learning emotional maturity. Still uncomfortable with nuance. Still believing that more is always better. Despite its global wins, the U.S. currently ranks just 23rd in happiness (as of 2025). You might liken it to a gifted teenager—bold, eager, and ambitious, but angsty and still figuring out how to live well and in balance. As much as a parent wants to protect their child, sometimes the child has to make their own mistakes to truly grow.
So when Scottie Scheffler wonders what the point of winning is, I don’t see someone losing strength.
I see someone evolving.
He’s beginning to look beyond the leaderboard. Beyond metrics of success that carry a lower vibration. And yet, in a poetic twist, Scheffler did go on to win The Open. But that only reinforces the point: even at the pinnacle, the question remains. And if more of us in the golf and sports world — and in U.S. culture at large — started asking similar questions, we might discover that the more meaningful trophy isn’t about accumulating or beating others at all costs.
It’s about awakening and evolving to something more than winning could ever promise.
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Darryl
Mar 30, 2017 at 8:00 am
One of the best articles I’ve read on here. I have met a lot of really good friends on the course, guys I enjoy socialising with outside golf as well. Of all the social recreational endeavours one can pursue in life, I always find golf one of the best ways to make a friend, primarily because people who play on their own of an evening are golf nuts and right away you have that common ground and it means that you will both most likely be of a similar mindset with very similar lifestyles.
Sam
Mar 27, 2017 at 10:36 am
The photo, do people really do that on the course?
Double Mocha Man
Mar 29, 2017 at 4:22 pm
Sam, I do that every time I’m able to 2 putt for a par.
Bob Jones
Mar 27, 2017 at 10:31 am
You meet strangers and right away be best friends for four hours. This is one of the things I love about golf.
Double Mocha Man
Mar 26, 2017 at 8:14 pm
Speaking of small talk… a few years ago I was playing Pebble Beach with two strangers. On the 3rd tee I inquired where they were from. Louisville, Kentucky… around 1 million population. On a lark I asked if they knew Deborah Xxxxxx, my ex who I knew lived there. They both almost fell down. Both were good friends with her and her husband, hanging together and attending the same church, raising their children together! Over the course of the next 15 holes I learned a lot about my ex (hadn’t seen her in over 20 years… good woman) and I shared a few things they didn’t know about her… though I was careful how much I shared. I also learned there was a lot from her past she had never shared with them. Such as me! They didn’t know she had another marriage.
Double Mocha Man
Mar 26, 2017 at 7:58 pm
I live north of Seattle near the Canadian border. I also often play a course near that border that attracts a lot of Canadian golfers crossing over. Some of the most interesting guys (and gals) I’ve met on the course are Canadian. Good folks.
KK
Mar 26, 2017 at 3:43 pm
The word “friend” has lost all meaning nowadays.
Scott
Apr 3, 2017 at 12:46 pm
Lighten up. nobody said to invite them to your house for dinner.
WolfWRX
Mar 26, 2017 at 7:54 am
Good article. I think it basically boils down to being a decent human being.
I play as a single a lot and in my experience, people often don’t like being paired up with a stranger or someone they don’t know. I’m not sure if it’s nervousness about playing with someone new, but fairly frequently I’ll get the sense from at least one player in a group they are NOT happy about me joining them – usually on the first tee. That said, I try and be friendly and this attitude usually dissipates after the first few holes.
Mr. Replier Guy
Mar 26, 2017 at 1:14 pm
Glad to say I’ve never experienced this. I’m in Calif. so maybe it depends where you play.
Cael
Mar 26, 2017 at 1:25 am
As I play with the over 60 group most of the time and play as a single a lot, I have found what is mentioned in this article 100% good advice. I have found that if you just play with the attitude I am going to enjoy the company today and let myself enjoy my own play good or bad it works out to be a fine day. For sure if you are younger and/or trying to build and improve your game you need to play alone or with others trying to do the same if you can.
BD57
Mar 25, 2017 at 10:09 pm
Better yet – don’t get drunk on the golf course, period.
Really not a good place for it, and when you’re done, someone’s going to be driving somewhere.
Adam Crawford
Mar 25, 2017 at 10:43 pm
Couldn’t agree more. I’m totally cool with people having a few drinks during a round. But the getting hammered just takes it too far.
CdnAsian
Mar 25, 2017 at 9:36 pm
Knowing when to pick up. Nothing is worse is being on the green and watching your playing partner laying 8 or 9, trying to “salvage the hole”
Philip
Mar 25, 2017 at 8:55 pm
If there are playing from a tee box you usually do not – just join them on their regular tee box – whether it is closer or farther than usually for you, unless of course you wish to be left alone.
madeinguam81
Mar 25, 2017 at 11:17 pm
I completely disagree with this. Play the tees that are appropriate for you, no matter what the rest of your group is playing. Doing so, doesn’t isolate you. You can still have a great conversation with others who play a different set of tees.
I would argue in the case of playing a set of tees BACK from where you would normally play just to join the rest of the group, the others will most likely be thinking that you should be playing UP a set and that you will most likely slow them down. Not a good start.
Scott
Apr 3, 2017 at 12:49 pm
I 100% agree. Sure playing up a set of tees from where you normally play may be considered nice, but I still want to play the course that way I want to. And playing back too far could be embarrassing and frustrating for all involved.
Golfyguy
Mar 25, 2017 at 7:57 pm
Good article. I started golfing as a single since I retired and really enjoy golfing with people I never met before. Golf gave me the chance to make some new acquaintances this way.
madeinguam81
Mar 25, 2017 at 11:22 pm
I’m in a similar but opposite boat as you. I started playing around 19 and one of the things I liked most was meeting new people, especially people I would never normally come in contact with. I played this local public course that had quite a bit of retirees and I often got paired with older guys in their 60s, 70s, and even 80s. I loved the stories and the overall social aspect of golf.
Tom
Mar 26, 2017 at 1:00 pm
+1 madeinguam
Jonnythec
Mar 25, 2017 at 1:39 pm
Great article..it’s blows me away that dick heads always hit the shank button at the end. Let’s just remove that altogether. Keep up the good work.
izzlist of izzles
Mar 25, 2017 at 3:02 pm
It blows me away when people like jonny call other people names because they didn’t like something he liked.
chinchbugs
Mar 25, 2017 at 1:24 pm
Next article…playing golf and influencing people…
LaBraeGolfer
Mar 25, 2017 at 10:37 am
Playing through golf now at a golf course in the middle of nowhere today. Couldn’t get my buddies to go and I take every opportunity I can to get out. I like the comments just be respectful and hit the golf shots and don’t take forever and everything will go grand.
Egor
Mar 25, 2017 at 10:04 am
No unsolicited advice.
I’m a 3 year player, 12HI and was joined by another single on the second tee. Unusually and from the tips, I hit every fairway and a solid 230-260yds.
On the 9th tee box, he said something like :
“if there was one thing I’d tell you, slow down your tempo, your backswing is too fast”
I wanted to respond with something like – “says the guy who hasn’t out driven me yet, missed3 fairways, and re-teed twice”
I just said “oh, ok”.
We really did have a great time and I’d welcome him to join me again, but I’ve learned in the 3 years I’ve played that you never offer swing advice to people you know without them explicitly asking, let alone to people you just met.
Bishop
Mar 27, 2017 at 2:41 pm
I couldn’t agree more with this. To me, there is nothing more aggravating than when someone gives advice on how I’m hitting the ball. It appears to me that there’s an inverse relationship between the amount of unsolicited advice, and the ability of the golfer. I have yet to meet a scratch golfer who will give me tips, but my friend the 30+ handicapper frequently chimes in with advice when I hit a ball offline.
I also think this was one of the first things I learned when beginning golf four years ago. It should stand as general etiquette.
IHateLoveGolf
Mar 28, 2017 at 2:13 pm
I think I’m an outlier because I don’t mind when someone gives me a tip. I can’t see my swing and appreciate that they’d take the time (and the risk, apparently) to try to help me out. More often than not the tip is useful, even if it’s counter to what I’m trying to work on that day. If someone won’t shut about it on every hole, then that’s a different story but this game is hard enough – I’m fine with folks trying to make it a little easier for me.